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1. All women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

5. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle aged men.

6. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

7. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.9. All women are noisy lays.

10. People in the 70's coudn't screw unless there was a wild guitar solo in thebackground.

11. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erectpenis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

12. Double penetration is the ultimate goal for a woman.

13. Men cannot orgasm without uttering "OH FUCK YEAH"

14. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, theboyfriend doesn't mind at all, and wont bash seven shades of shit out of you forshoving your penis in his girlfriend's mouth.

15. Nurses always suck patient's off.

16. When your girlfriend catches you with another chick, she will be pissed for1.5 seconds, then overcome with desire, will join the two of you.

17. Women never have headaches or periods.

18. When a woman is sucking on a man's penis, it is vitally important that heremind her to "suck it", lest she forget.

19. a man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying ending for all partiesconcerned.

20. All women view normal intercourse as merely a warmup before anal.

21. All Women love to be called dirty whores n sluts while performing a blowjob.

22. All women have no problem with going down on their twin sister.

23. Lube isn't required before sticking it up her butt.

24. It is perfectly ok to take it out of her ass, stick it in her mouth, put itback in the ass, then pull it out and have her finish you off with a blowjobwhere she swallows all of the sh!tcum.

25. Throat Gagging is fun.

26.The babysitter always prefers to be paid in cock.

27. Double Penetration is also every womans fantasy

28. 90% of the time women are too lazy to take off their panties so they justpull them to the side

29. Stickin your fingers in her ass and stretching it as wide as it will go isconsidered foreplay.

30. Even when licking pussy, its normal to keep stop and spit on itoccasionally.

31.If you are a chick and dont have enough money to pay for the pizza when itsdelivered suck his penis.

32. Watching a woman suck off a horse isn't as fun as it sounds.

33.Even if you don't know a woman she'll have sex with you after a minute ofconversation

34. Sororities are full of lesbians

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2my-R5uqQ8

Mulle tuommoinen heti. Se on niin suloinenkin.

Kirjoitan tähän viisi omituisinta tapaani.

1. Käytän sanoja joita ihmiset ei ymmärrä... Keksin niitä siis ehkä itse tai sitten muut vaan ei oikeesti tajua =D tai puhuu väärää kieltä.

2. Syön mansikkarahkaa tai appelsiinirahkaa liikaa ja oksennan. Joo tosiaan, se on niin hyvää etten oikeesti tajua lopettaa kunnes on myöhäistä. Tästä syystä en ole tehnyt rahkaa ainakaan vuoteen. Ja tämä vamma on ollut mulla ihan pikkuskidistä asti.

3. En osaa istua tuolissa niin et molemmat jalat ois maassa. Pakko saada nostaa vähintään toinen jalka tuolille, mieluiten molemmat. Hankaloittaa aika paljon ravintolassa käymistä.

4. Juttelen eläimille, esineille ja oikeastaan kaikelle. Ja ne juttelee mulle takaisin =D

5. Jos en kuuntele musiikkia, "soitan" sitä pääni sisällä välillä ihan unissakin.

Haastan ainoastaan _minskin =D

Jos luet tätä, jos silmäsi liikkuvat juuri tällä hetkellä näiden sanojen yli, ole kiltti ja kirjoita kommentti, jossa on muisto sinusta ja minusta, vaikka emme edes puhuisi usein. Se voi olla ihan mitä tahansa haluat - hyvää tai huonoa. Kun olet tehnyt tämän, laita tämä omaan päiväkirjaasi ja ylläty (tai kauhistu) siitä, mitä ihmiset muistavatkaan sinusta.

Pakko jakaa tämä vaikka tämäkin on englanniksi.


The husband had just finished reading a new book, called "You can be the Man of your House."

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have all the sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.....then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's all done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"....

His wife replied, "The f**king funeral director would be my guess...."

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".

The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife/Hubby any more. She/He takes you to court and screws
you in front of everyone.

The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that....
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the early bird.