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When you feel the darkness gathering in your soul.... You are still far from what I see. I see beyond this curtain you call "darkness". My darkness is something.... more sinister than that. In your darkness there often exists a moon of sorts. My darkness devours *everything*. Like a carnivorous sensing entity, it eats all light, all hope.... everything worth achieving. And in the end, I see nothing. Except the complete black darkness that haunts me forever. it has already reached me, but I have camouflaged myself within it... It can sense me. But it doesn´t know where I am.... yet. Every night it comes. One night it will devour me as well. You would do well to stay away. You could never whitstand my realm. My light left me, before the darkness ate it up....



The darkness is coming...

np : Blutengel - No Eternity

Diablonicukselta.

1. Äitisi tai isäsi tekisi itsemurhan?
"Wii sain talon! \o/"

2. Huomaisit olevasi raskaana?
Onneksi sula mahdottomuus, joten voi jättää vastaamatta.

3. Saisit korjata kolme vääryyttä maailmassa (siis korjata kolme maailmanlaajuista ongelmaa)?
1. Ihmiset
2. Kaikki sääskiensukuiset hyönteiset
3. Luonnonkatastrofit (vain jos ensin olen korjannut ihmiset).

4. Loukkaantuisit vakavasti ja saisit valita amputoidaanko jalkasi, vai joudutko elämään jatkuvasti kivuissa ja lääkityksen alaisena.
Kivut ja lääkket on, että pysytään sitten niissä.

5. Ihastuksesi suutelisi sinua?
Eläisin kuukauden ylimääräistä.

6. Opettajasi suutelisi sinua?
New Rockilla vatsaan.

7. Kaverisi olisi ilmoittanut sinut Yllytyshulluihin?
Nauraisin ja virnuilisin huvittuneena.

8. Voittaisit lotossa miljoonan?
Ostaisin onnettomuuden pois.

9. Huomaisit voivasi lukea toisten ajatuksia?
Välttäisin väärinkäsitykset ja ajanhaaskauksen.

10. Näkisit idolisi kävelevän ohitsesi kadulla?
Katsoisin ehkä silmiin hetken pidempään kuin tavallista ihmistä, ja jättäisin rauhaan.

11. Viimeinen juomasi juoma?
Pepsi Max

12. Viimeinen lukemasi koulukirja?
Tota tota..... en kyllä varmaankaan oo lukenut yhtään kokonaan.

13. Viimeinen ostamasi tavara?
Lumipantteripussi x) (jota muuten en edes syönyt)

14. Viimeinen halaamasi ihminen?
Irene.

15. Viimeinen soitettu cd:si?
Ruoska - Mies Yli Laidan CDS

16. Viimeinen biisi jota olet laulanut?
Helloween - Mrs. God (älkää sanoko mitään :D)

17. Viimeinen sanomasi sana?
It.

18. Viimeinen tekemäsi urheilusuoritus?
Punttiksella kävin joskus viimeviikolla :P

19. Viimeinen katsomasi elokuva?
The Crow

20. Viimeinen käyttämäsi kauneudenhoitotuote?
En voi muistaa hoitoaineden merkkejä.

Voisitko koskaan..

21. Juoda itseäsi ympärikänniin?
Tarpeeksi monen kaverin tai teräaseen keskellä juu.

22. Satuttaa sinulle läheisintä ihmistä tahallisesti?
En.

23. Mennä tärkeään kokeeseen lukematta lainkaan?
Riittääkö kaikki ylioppilaskokeet?

24. Ajaa päätäsi kaljuksi?
En.

25. Syrjiä homoseksuaalisia ihmisiä?
......parempi ehkä poliittisesti korrektilla tavalla olla vain hiljaa.

26. Kiinnostua uusnatsismin aatteista?
Epätodennäköistä.

27. Alkaa käyttämään huumeita?
IQ 136 = En.

28. Tappaa?
Oikeanlaisissa olosuhteissa.

29. Pitää yllä seksisuhdetta opettajasi kanssa?
En.

30. Karata kotoa ulkomaille?
Kotimaa on mukavampi, mutta tuskin tulee tarpeeseen.

31. Pidätkö Nirvanan musiikista?
Yksi ihan ok biisi.

32. Lempielokuvasi?
The Count of Monte Cristo.

33. Mitä mieltä olet tästä kyselystä?
En tunne vielä tarpeeksi hyvin.

34. Oletko hyvä valokuvaamaan?
En arvioi itseäni.

35. Huonoin ja paras koenumerosi ikinä?
5- ja 10

Oletko koskaan...

36. Itkenyt avoimesti koulussa?
Muistaakseni kyllä.

37. Vetänyt ketään turpaan?
En ole ihan varma olenko täräyttänyt kunnolla kasvoihin.... Paitsi jos se lasketaan että iskee jonkun naaman lattiaan ja tulee verta.

38. Nolostunut vanhempiesi takia?
Oi kyllä.

39. Salannut jotain tärkeää asiaa vanhemmiltasi?
Pitäisi määritellä "tärkeä".

40. Uskonut joulupukkiin, pääsiäispupuun tai hammaskeijuun?
Kaiketi ihan vaahtosammuttimenpuolikkaana.

41. Tehnyt itse lävistystä?
En.

42. Ollut sanoinkuvaamattoman onnellinen?
Välillä toivon etten olisi ollut.

43. Rakastanut?
"Te ette tuossa iässä tiedä vielä mitään rakkaudesta" mutta väitän silti että, kyllä.

People always say that that they should have something to live for. Some of us have a dream that they live to achieve. Others have a person near them that keeps them alive. Here we reach the common philosophichal controversy that people often overlook. Some of these things are to live for. But the rest are things that are to die for. Example : If you truly love someone, wouldn´t you be ready to sacrifice your life for this person, to achieve something like salvation for that human being? Now, imagine if one actually has nothing to die for. What would this person feel about death? The person would fear it. If one has something to die for, then this person will not fear death at least to the same extent. But.... if this right.... then how do we explain me?

If I could think a bit more at the moment, I might be able to create something a bit more.... profound. But I´m too sick to say anything artistic.... I´m cold....

I turn my sad face
Again somewhere north
Crippled by life´s mace
I somehow go forth

I see something blue
Hanging in shining black
I realise that it´s you
I won´t now turn back

A word I must send :
Towards you I´ll run
The light at the end
Of the world for one.

Open your eyes. See the true color of this world. The sun no longer rises above the horizon... it no longer even creates a fading red light into the distance. The moon no longer exists in this realm. This plane of existence no longer needs such lightsources. The sky is lit by fears too agonizing to be spoken aloud... fears too devastating for anyone to give them names. They create a shimmering hopeless red light, that seems to glow in every dead being lying on the ground. It gathers around them draining them from their last bits of body heat. The glow waits for the rest to perish as well, so it could devour their flesh. When you visit this place, and see me walking there looking at you...remember.... there´s no way out. Not for me.... not for you. If I can see you, you´ve become a part of this world and will no longer see light... as hope. Only as a deceiving entity that will kill you in the end. See the world in my eyes, where hope becomes fear, and fear destroys... everything.

Imagine.... if one day... people could no longer see. What would happen to the concept of "beauty"? Would it after a while be defined by scent? Of course sounds can be beautiful, but I´m talking of visual beauty. Perhaps it is worth a try. If one can´t see beauty, one doesn´t feel pain. With the exception of physical pain of course.

Or is it actually like that? Perhaps not entirely, but beauty is a cruel concept that has a main function of hurting people. People generate affections to beautiful things and people, and feel pain when those beautiful thing are lost.

But no.... not all mental pain would be lost. Beauty doesn´t create all of it. Most likely not even by a long shot. But beauty, in the end, creates only pain. At least in this world with these morals to live by.

If all beauty would be gone and enough generations would pass, so no one anymore knows of anything beautiful, I suggest that people would be much happier with great many less cares and sorrow... wouldn´t that be a sight?

My mind hurts. A lot. I feel dizzy and nauseous. I curse the sun for causing this to me. I was never created to walk the earth at daytime. Nor to withstand the manifestations of human nature.

I saw a crane jump up and down on a field. Perhaps it was happy. I can not know. I don´t detect emotion through my own apathy. But if it was, perchance at least a little happy, the crane is wise. For such creatures have the advantage of not being what we.... no.... what YOU are. They are not human beings.

Animals live by intsinct. People live by an imaginative brain that constantly conjures up stunningly complex (but also helplessly transparent and fragile) webs of lies and deceit. I have come to the conclusion that this is the main reason for my solitude. As I do not lie in the same scale as referred to above, nor deceive, I do not show typical human qualities. Therefore, I am alone. This trend is strenghtened by the fact that humans are selfish and violent. As I show little or no signs of selfishness and do not strike females, I again do not show typical human (or male) qualities. Therefore, I am left alone. And as the final point in the triangle of solitude, I have morals that are somewhat strong. Humans are well known, one could say infamous, for their complete lack of morals. For people cast aside all rules as they consider only themselves and things they want to have for themselves.

I was a fool to hope
For an ending to this
With this I must cope
Pain, never feel bliss

I thank some for trying
But it is for no purpose
I´m always only crying
Feeling simply emptiness

Forever alone I only long
For the one smiling and
Singing the penguing song
For this I´ve lost my land.

I saw two dreams. The first one was about an infant I had with someone. She already knows of this, so I needn´t say anything else about that here.

The other one was.... odd.

I remember many bits. The first memory is of a woman in black. Call her an action hero of sorts. Black thight outfit of leather or polyvinylcloride plastic. She knows something. This I can tell. We´ll get back to her later on.

I was in a squad of sorts. We had large automatic rifles and all around military equipment. We were in a very old house at night. Apparently in attempt to catch ghosts or spirits. We couldn´t see any at this point. We decided to use an elevator to get to a lower level.

In there we wandered for a moment. Then I came across a window on the floor from which i could see into a large room below. There were people there.... or at least so I assumed. But something was off. They were gloomy. They were spirits. They were dead.

The ghosts were young. Teenagers. They appeared to be playing a sort of a slow pair dance over and over again. They may have had been doing that for ages. Then we fell among them. There was total chaos. The spirits started running. I remember gunshots. Electricity bursts from what I can assume to have been devices designed to catch spirits. I should obviously point out that the spirits did not know, that they were dead. some of them actually even seemed human. As they weren´t as gloomy as the rest.

In this chaos I saw the woman in black, she stuck out of the chaos and caught my eye. I knew that se knew what was going on. She may not have been aware of *everything*, but she knew a lot. I could tell.

Then I pulled out a very humanlike female spirit from the chaos, and sat her down on the floor to calm down. We were In a safe spot then. It was my friend Tindomerel. I tried to explain to her that she was dead. She was sceptical. But I also knew I had seen her before somewhere in my dream memory and realised that she was different. She wasn´t hopelessly dead as the rest of the dancing spirits in the room. I remember thinking "She´s different, there´s two of her.", but I don´t know the significance of it. But I knew I had saved her.

I woke up.