Taosim: Shit happens
Hinduism: This shit happened before
Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage
Budhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
7th Day Adventist: Shit happens on saturday
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder
Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it
Jehova's Witness: Knock knock, "shit happens"
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama ding dong
Atheism: No shit
T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit