IRC-Galleria

sinkkuna loppu vuas!!!!!!!:D<3

ja älkäää kysykö miks en vastaa.:DxD

"Ajatus huonoudesta ja kelvottomuudesta oli kuin polttomerkitty ihooni. Olin jopa alkanut uskoa siihen ja se sai päänsisäisen elämäni valloilleen. En uskaltanut enää tarttua uusiin ajatuksiin tai jatkaa vanhoja projekteja, joita joskus olin aloittanut. Oloni oli kuin häkkiin vangitulla eläimellä, joka halusi juosta vapauteen, mutta siihen ei ollut mahdollisuutta.
Kylmähiki valui selkääni pitkin alaspän, kun tuijotin sekuntiviisarin loputonta matkaa. En antanut pääni sisällä kiristyvän tunteidensolmun häiritä tämän hetkisen persoonani elämää, vaan sammutin makuuhuoneeni valot ja kietouduin peiton alle. Myöhemmin yöllä itkin itseni rauhattomaan uneen.
Heräsin tummanpunaisesta unestani todellisuuteen. Ulkona oli lähes kolmekymmentä astetta pakkasta, oli maanantai. Elämäni tuntui mustavalkofilmiltä; harmaata ja hidasliikkeistä. Vähitellen vaivuin kohti täydellistä epätoivoa. Oli koulupäivä.
Vedin keuhkoni täyteen tupakansavua koulun pihalla. Pääni halusi mennä sisään, mutta jalkani pysyivät tiukasti paikoillaan. Huultani purren sain silmiini kohonneet kyyneleet pysymään poissa, minun ei ollut lupa itkeä. Pakokauhu valtasi minut, mutta minulla ei ollut ulospääsyä, oli pakko mennä kouluun.
Hetkittäin minut valtasi hyvänolontunne, elämälläni olisi sittenkin järkeä, tulisin pystymään tähän niin kuin kaikki muutkin. Selviäisin voittajana.
Koulussa ollessani sisälleni virtasi ahdistus, joka sai ruokatunnilla lähtemään kaupan kautta kotiin. Korini täyttyi kaikesta epäterveellisestä, rasvaisesta. Suklaakeksejä, jäätelöä, suklaata ja sama uudelleen alusta. Kiersin juomahyllyjen väliin ja en ollut oma itseni. Muutama pullo kokista mahtui vielä mukaani. Näin tapahtui miltei jokapäivä.
Vihdoin kotona. Tunsin suonissani veren hidastuneen kohinan ja sydämen sykkeen rinnassani. Kyyneleet kohosivat jälleen silmiini, mutta tällä kertaa annoin patojen murtua ja itselleni luvan itkeä. Syytin itseäni kaikesta. Syytöstenverho kietoutui ympärilleni ja minun oli vaikea hengittää. Pieni ihminen sisälläni huusi, mutta minä en pystynyt. Avasin suuni huutaakseni, mutta minusta ei kuulunut kuiskaustakaan. Hain veitsen keittiön laatikosta ja avasin verelleni reittejä paeta. Annoin saastaiset veren valua purona keittiön lavuaariin ja sitä kautta viemäriin. Pidin silmiäni kokoajan visusti kiinni. Jos sitä ei kykene näkemään, ei sitä ole lainkaan
Ahmittuani suklaakeksit, jäätelön ja suklaan, oksensin kaiken. Minulla ei ollut lupa syödä ja jos olisin jättänyt oksentamatta, minua olisi rangaistu. Itsesyytökset olivat vallanneet minut. Olin kuilun pohjalla, enkä kyennyt huutamaan ketään apuun. Avasin kolapullot, join suurella halulla ja päätin lopettaa kärsimykseni. Jossain sisälläni minäkuvani käski minua lopettamaan, mutta sen hetkinen persoonani ei kuunnellut. Avasin laatikkoni, kaadoin lääkkeet pöydälle ja mitään ajattelematta, kyyneleet silmissäni huuhdoin lääkkeet kurkustani alas.
Hiljaisuus valtasi huoneen. Vain hento nyyhkytys kuului lattialta, muistan hyvin kuiskanneeni "olen pilannut elämäni" Kesti hetken ymmärtää, mitä olin tehnyt tai mitä oli tapahtunut. Tuijotin peilistäni lattialla istuvaa minäkuvaani ja syytin itseäni vihaisin silmin. Minäkuvani oli haudannut kasvot käsiinsä ja huusi jotain, josta en itsekkään saanut selvää. Olin väsynyt ja peloissani, eikä ketään, keneltä olisin voinut pyytää apua.
Ranteitani vihloi ja en saanut henkeä, aivan kuin joku tai jokin olisi yrittänyt kuristaa minut hengiltä. Näppäilin hätäkeskuksen numeroa toistamiseen puhelimeni näytölle, mutta uskallukseni ei riittänyt painamaan vihreää luuria.
Muistelin, mitä elämässäni olin kokenut. Hyviä ja huonoja muistoja, jotka loppujen lopuksi saivat tarttumaan puhelimeen vielä kerran ja soittamaan hätäkeskukseen hiljaisen avunpyynnön.
Viimeiset ajatukset ennen nukahtamistani pyörivät seuraavien sanojen ympärillä "olen todella tainnut pilata elämäni, hukannut osan elämäni palapelin paloista ja kävellyt pitkin lasinsirumerta, eikä minulle ole paluuta entiseen."

Teki hyvää puhuuu ihanan ihmisen kaa....!!!!!!!!<333;D

Mikä vittu myniksii vaivaa vitun runkkarit!!!!!!!!!! nousteesee ei vittu tulla uhooooo!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4upZAH7Jbck


kommatkaa mitä mieltä ootte :D

tahdon oikeesti olla sinun
enkä vain leikisti rakastaa
kanssas oikeesti kokea kaiken
mikä ollut on unelmaa
tahdon syliisi painaa pääni
tahdon lämpöösi nukahtaa
olla kanssasi oikeesti onnellinen
sua oikeesti rakastaa

Sain tikit polvee tänää.....

01. Kuka olet?
02. Olemmeko ystäviä?
03. Koska ja miten tapasimme?
04. Oletko ihastunut minuun/kiinnostunut minusta?
05. Pussaisitko minua?
06. Anna minulle lempinimi, ja kerro miksi valitsit juuri sen?
07. Kuvaile minua yhdellä sanalla
08. Mikä oli ensivaikutelmasi minusta?
09. Oletko edelleen samaa mieltä?
10. Mikä muistuttaa sinua minusta?
11. Jos voisit antaa minulle mitä tahansa, mitä se olisi?
12. Miten hyvin tunnet minut?
13. Koska näimme viimeksi vai näimmekö ollenkaan?
14. Halusitko joskus kertoa minulle jotain, jos et ole jotain aiemmin pystynyt kertomaan?
15. Aioitko pistää tämän päivyriisi ja katsoa, mitä minä kertoisin sinusta?

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``````````````````````````````````Auta kissaa valloittaa irc-galleria``````````````````
``````````````````````````````````lisäämällä tämä sinun päiväkirjaan :D``````````````

1. Missä olit viime yönä?
- Kotona.

2. Mikä herätti sinut tänä aamuna?
- koira :S

3. Missä olet?
- Kotona :P

4. Tuleeko huomisesta hieno päivä?
- khyll... mut torstaista kivempi<33

5. Suutelitko tai halasitko ketään tänään?
- Juu.. :P

6. Milloin viimeksi itkit?
- Sunnuntaina.. :`(

7. Oletko koskaan oksentanut julkisesti?
- ennn :D

8. Sammunut?
- en ooo.

9. Ketä ajattelet juuri NYT?
- Yhtä ihanaa tyttöööäää :D<333

10. Ottaisitko luodin kenenkään puolesta?
- Joo.. <33

11. Missä haluaisit asua?
- jYhen tytön luona <33

12. Millaisen kodin haluaisit?
- supertalon tai joku sellane??!! :D

13. Missä näet itsesi viiden vuoden päästä?
- Kihlois ja omas talossa <33

16. Milloin viimeksi kaaduit/juoksit johonkin päin?
- ennen koneelle tuloa törmäsin tuoliin :S

17. Kuunteletko musiikkia joka päivä?
- kylll :D

18. Mitä söit viimeksi?
- Purkan :S

19. Oletko nopea kirjoittamaan näppiksillä
- NOPEIN Nopeampi :P

20. Kuinka monesta ihmisestä olet välittänyt?
- Monesta Varsisnkin yhest tärkeestä <3 :P

21. Mitä aiot tehdä tänä viikonloppuna?
- Asuu yhen tytön luon :P

22. Lempi virvoitusjuomasi?
- EDI

23. Virvoitusjuoma jota vihaat?
- Varmaa joku... en tie >:

24. Oletko koskaan voittanut palkintoa?
- juuu jotain..

26. Kuunteletko musiikkia juuri nyt?
- Juu.

27. Ketä rakastat?
- TYTTÖÖÖ::: <3333

28. Kuinka pitkä aika on syntymäpäivääsi?
- Tasan kuukausi!!!! :D

29. Milloin olit surullisin koko elämäsi aikana?
- yks sunnuntai :S

30. Kuinka paljon kello on?
- 15.43

31. Kuinka paljon haluaisit kellon olevan?
- Huomenna 1-2 :P

32. Mikä tekee sinut vihaiseksi?
- Samuli :S

33. Onko sinusta koskaan kirjoitettu laulua?
- Oliski :P

34. Mikä laulu tekee sinut iloiseksi?
- Tea-tytöt tykkää xD


35. Mitä tykkäät kuunnella ennen nukkumaan menoa?
- kaikkeee paskaa :P

36. Onko sinulla työpaikka?
- En tie viel :D

37. Menetkö suihkuun illalla vai aamulla?
- illalla <3


39. Mikä tekee sinut onnelliseksi?
- TYTTÖÖÖÖ.. :P :D

40. Mikä on seuraava CD minkä aiot hankkia?
- hmm... en osta poltan cd:itä :D

41. Nimeä 3 suosikki kappalettasi tällä hetkellä:
- On nii enemmänki :D

42. Oletko ihastunut tällä hetkellä?
- KYLLÄ olen <3333333

43. Onko sulla pikkusiskoa?
- ei :S

44. Koska riitelit viimeksi äitisi kanssa?
- eile :P

45. Kenelle perheen jäsenelle puhuit viimeksi?
- pikkuveljel...