IRC-Galleria

"When masturbation's lost its fun - You're fucking breaking"
- Green Day



"This is a completely serious question..."
- Yahoo Answers



"Buck_Malibu:
Maybe the blogger should look into taking some creative writing classes when he gets bored with jerkin' off. A microphone in your ass, really?

AK47blues:
i'm glad to know someone still has wisdom and can provide me with answers."
- Reddit WTF



"Well, IÂ’m not lazy. IÂ’m just too grossed out, too disgusted, too angry, and frankly a little sad, to have fun with this anymore."
- Political Science 216



"Let's face it: masturbating is fun. It relieves stress, feels damn good, and helps stop us from sniffing other peoples asses and impregnating them on sight. The only problem is that traditional masturbation can get kind of boring, and over the years we tend to experiment with other objects in order to help up achieve the same high we originally got when he first jerked off.

Really, masturbation is like a bad coke habit.

Anal Objects

One of the first things a lot of us try is the insertion of various penis-shaped objects into our collective anuses in order to further stimulate our bodies. Personally i've grown rather tired of feeling like I have to take a shit, and to be quite honest, taking a shit right after you've jerked off is pretty fucking messy.

Instead of using a dildo, I started to experiment with other objects. One of my favorites is sticking a microphone up my ass and recording my moans through my computer. Actually it sounds more like the microphone is brushing up against the remaining shit i didn't scoop out of my ass, but whatever.

Playing Dress-Up

Some men like to dress up like women when they masturbate. After some experimenting I've determines that cross-dressing really isn't my thing; but, I'll tell you what does turn me on: dressing up like a 1969 Volvo 1800 S. I've yet to be able to split my balls far enough apart so they can become the nicely rounded headlights, but one day I will.

One day ...

Electrical Stimulation

Some days it's hard to get a response out of your penis. some days you're just worn the fuck out and no amount of cock-slapping is going to get you an erection. For day's like these, I recommend attaching three 9 volt batteries to your cock. Not only will it help you get it up, it'll remind that bastard of a penis that, should it ever fail you again, you'll be there with your magical powers of electricity, waiting.

This method also helps with erectile dysfunction. Bob has actually moved from Enzyte to electrical stimulation because it's much cheaper and has about the same effectiveness."
- Unbalanced Simpletons



"When I jerk off, I like to dip my balls in a jar of peanut butter.

Ancient Chinese secret: Man who dip balls in peanut butter, is fucking nuts!"
- Anonymous