IRC-Galleria

Every day.. is a battle to be fought
At the mornings.. have to fight my way up from the bottom of my bed.. I fight my weak body to be strong enough to make it to go to work.
At every night and evening.. I have to fight against the strongest will to drink the booze to pass out my lights
Fridays and Saturdays are the worst.. nightclubs are calling me in.
Morals.. what is that.. something to do with my consciense maybe.. maybe.. don't know
Principles.. I have to fight to keep those clear in my mind.. that's not easy I tell you..
Depression.. That was a battle I lost already in the beginning.. And it's crawling all the time even deeper to my heart and thoughts blackening it all..
Love.. I don't know anymore what is that. Maybe I will someday face that emotion again.. maybe.. love for a woman.. someone to caress, someone to caress me. Woman to give the birth to my child.. Woman to be loved my me.. Woman to love me.. Everybody needs someone..
Insomnia is my curse.. Every night it's hell broken loose inside my head when I should already be in my bed sleeping like little child. Battle against all the pressures of society and killing loneliness is hardest at the night time
Life.. went out from the window.. another life replacing the old one.
Passed life.. only blurry memories remaining.. Torturing me of what good there is been but nothing of it is left.. but the scars..
I love life.. suicide is no option to be ever even considered.. I just have to fight the battles and hope for survival
Every day I fight my self to keep up the happy face to all the others. So I am a liar, but who cares anyways..
I am only a human.. from nothing I have to build my fortress of my life.. And it's a hard job to alone, that's where friend are to help you.. if you just have friends
I fight by trying to be clever. I try to fool my self by keeping my self busy so I can fill my thoughts with more daily jobs. But it only works at the daytime when there is the daily basics to deal with.. but when the evening comes.. shit..
Society restrains with all the stress and problems.. Puts you under the pressure and waits for you to give up..
It would be easy to give up the dreams and goals and live like a who ever doing shitty job you don't even like to do with minimal salary..
But I am not going to fucking give up. I am to stand tall and fight my way to better life.
Then I can take my Harley Davidson and ride to the sunset with peace in my mind..
Price of my war of life is to be alone I am afraid.. but.. maybe that is the price I have to pay.. And if it is, I'll pay it even when I know for quite sure that it's going to kill me from inside

- Johnny -