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Bibilical Origins of Finland
"14: And when the Lord God came to cast out the Finn, the Finn did indeed swear blind to Him that he had not touched the apples of knowledge, not at all, honestly, although he had eaten a pear or two although verily his mind was a little hazy.

15: And the Lord God said, Was it an apple that you ate or a pear. And the Finn replied that it was totally a pear.

16: And the Lord God said unto the Finn, you may keep Paradise as thy land, and call it Finland, but watch thy back. And the Finn said, Okay, but will not Adam be Jealous of Finland. And God said unto the Finn,

17: Yea, that is like two Good Points stapled together.

18: And in His Infinite Wisdom God did make Finland Wicked Cold, that Adam would not venture inside, and He did give pretty women's names to the Finnish men, that Adam would be confused, so that all the Finns were called such as Samiina,Janneina, Severiina, Mikaina and Joriina and Kimiina.

19: And he did give them fifteen noun cases, which was pretty Harsh but necessary.

20: And God said unto the Finn, here is thy Land. And the Finn said, Tank you very many.

21: And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, and such and so forth, and smiting. And Adam said, that's not fair."