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Mother Nature revealed itself to the world one day. She said,

“Creatures of the world! Gather ‘round, I shall give you your methods of procreation.”

“Oh, cheers, Mother Nature! I’ve been dying for a shag, me!”

“All right, gather round… Here we go. Dogs! How you doing, dogs?”

*bark*

“Okay, now dogs… we have got you down, dogs… your method of procreation will be doggy fashion! How about that?”

*bark* “Yeah, we invented it!”

“I know you did! And it’s caught on big time! Okay, off you go…Be careful with the air lock!”

“Now cats…”

*meow*

“Cats, good to meet you. Now, we’ve got you down for doggy fashion! How about that?”

*meow* “What about catty fashion?”

“No, sorry, dogs got in there first; it’s a ‘patent pending’ situation… Anyway, you’ve got cat flaps, so what the fuck are you arguing about?”

“Next we have… sheep! Good haircut, by the way… We’ve got you down for doggy fashion! If you get hot, just take your coats off, right? Okay… You wearing Blakeys?”

“Now giraffes! Good to see you. We’ve got you down for doggy fashion, but it’s whatever you can work out, basically. Hang off a lamppost, lean over a tree, you know… just swing about a bit; I mean, sorry, we were gonna make you like a Spaniel kind of size, but someone brought me a coffee and 'vooom!' when I was doing design work, and there you go… Anyway, chin up! All right…

“Human beings… Well, doggy fashion, catty fashion, giraffe fashion, sheep fashion; whatever the hell you want, basically… Hang upside down like a bat, play the banjo, do it on a golf course! As long as you get guilt in there somewhere, we really don’t mind…

“Now finally, salmon! Good… Got a bit of a surprise for you, people… What you’re gonna do is to swim upstream against a down-flowing river until you come to a huge waterfall…”
“…and you’re going to leap, and leap, and leap, and leap up this waterfall, and you swim along, and you leap, and leap, and leap, and leap; then you get along, and you lay eggs, and you fertilize the eggs, and then you drop down dead! Ha!”