The instant she walked into the crowded Red Feather saloon, the lively chatter died. Everyone's eyes were focused on the torn appearance of the middle-aged woman. A ghost from the past, was the first thought in the minds of the men. From the days they had all felt like being something else than just a miscellaneous group of drunk and disorderly.
She had changed awfully lot. The occasional rude and suggesting comments that were dared to be spoken aloud didn't do a scratch on her even façade. She'd used to be bad-tempered, and they had enjoyed seeing her furious. Her now tranquil expression frustrated them; seemed as if she'd heard absolutely nothing. The gaze she had lowered down, though, was full of hidden anger towards the men who had once laid their dirty miner hands on her smooth, young skin.
But now the radiant beauty she'd once possessed was gone, its absence forcing the men to realize that the Golden Days were merely a mix of unreachable memories in their blurry minds. Making her company at the empty bar wouldn't bring back the glamor of the old days, so people stayed still in their booths and little by little the careful discussion got louder. They started to talk about her as if she hadn't been sitting just a dozen feet away. Unwilling to hear the obscenities chanted in lisping male voices, she ignored every sound her ears picked from behind her back. For a brief moment she was completely alone with the bourbon she'd just ordered. That moment was quickly over as she noticed yet another man in the corner of her eye.
Rain Stanton's reaction, as he entered the saloon and laid his eyes on the thin female figure sipping on her drink, was silent astonishment and overwhelming worry, of which the latter he'd last felt over a decade ago. It was the same kind of worry, only for slightly different reasons. This wasn't the girl in need of protection he had tried but failed to give; the woman in front of her was the outcome of a rough course of life.
Rain knew he wasn't to blame for her lot in life, but seeing her starved and exhausted like that made him sad. And the men still didn't give her a single moment in peace. He threw an angry glare towards the loudest troublemaker as he took a seat beside the woman.
“Siri,” he called although he was aware of having gotten her undivided attention the moment he'd come over to her. She kept her eyes on the half empty glass of bourbon as she greeted him with a nod barely visible.
“Rain. Still here wasting your life?”
Rain ignored the rhetorical question. “You got away.”
“I did.”
She smiled a bittersweet smile and Rain left the questions unasked. There were things people wanted to keep to themselves.
“So what did you come here for?” he asked, hoping not to sound unwelcoming. She turned to look at him for the first time. The look in her grey eyes was tired and so blank it scared him. Behind that, there was silent pleading. It hurt him to look at her, but he didn't break the eye contact. After a moment she tried on a smile.
“Just for a couple of drinks.”
Rain snorted and ordered her a plate of actual food. The lack of resistance on her part surprised him, as she'd always had the unfortunate habit of trying to turn down every helpful gesture. Now she accepted and started pecking at her meal in silence.
“Are you gonna stay for good?” he continued the interrogation. She answered with a single shrug.
“Where are you staying?”
Another shrug. Rain came to the conclusion she didn't have any money on her.
“I have a big house. Plenty of guest rooms. No charge.”
“You do?” she asked, a hint of mockery in her tone. “Inherited the farm, huh?”
“Yeah. I sold the cattle, though.”
“A pity.” Now the irony was audible. Rain recalled her distaste for cows due to a childhood trauma. Some issues never leave you, were they big or small. He studied her facial expressions, or actually the lack of them, while waiting for an answer. But she was everything but an open book; more like a double-locked diary, the key thrown into the depths of a bottomless river. Her face was impassive, so he had no other choice but to wait for her to declare the decision.
“I guess I could come,” she finally said. “Just to see how the old farm's doing.”
The Moon was big and bright in the clear sky. It shone over the town and forced insomniac people to cover their windows with, in addition to plain curtains, thick blankets in order to be able to get some sleep.
Siri hadn't even closed the drapes. As Rain was tiptoeing towards the kitchen for some milk, he noticed that carefulness had been unnecessary. The guest room door was ajar and Siri was sitting on the double bed, hardly filling her side of it. She'd wrapped her arms around her knees and was gazing at the sky. Lost in thought, eyes reflecting the pale moonlight, she looked more alive than ever, but simultaneously more vulnerable, almost fragile. There was a peculiar glitter in her eyes, like tiny gold nuggets sparkling among grey sand.
Rain's heart leaped inside him and he resisted the urge to go and wind his arms protectively around the slender figure. He was about to make his way into the kitchen and give the woman some privacy, when her surprisingly strong voice called after him.
“I saw you, might as well come in,” she said. “Not like I was intending to sleep, anyway.”
When Rain entered the room, all signs of vulnerability were gone. The look in her eyes was inscrutable again, her shield impenetrable. Had the golden sparkle been merely his own imagination? He was desperately looking for a crack in the shell, through which he could squint and see if there was anything left undamaged, or anything he could fix.
“What are you staring at? You wanna screw me? Go ahead, I'm not a little girl anymore. You've been waiting for it far too long.”
She grabbed his hand and pulled him roughly onto the soft sheets. Gently, he pushed her away and shook his head. It had never been about the age. It wasn't like she'd been a child back then. But he wanted something else. Something she didn't have to offer, or wasn't able to.
Siri was frustrated with him. Deep inside she had been wishing that he'd be the same than all the other disgusting men who were just trying to get laid. But Rain's intentions crossed the line and for the first time during her whole pathetic life she was frightened. Not only startled, but truly scared to death. His caring touch burned her skin as he tucked her in like a baby.
“Try to get some sleep, 'kay?”
She didn't answer. Rain rose to draw the curtains and before he left, he kissed her forehead quickly but affectionately, having no idea what immense pain it caused her.
She started to tremble, but managed to take control over her body. If she had to suffer in order to heal, she would refuse. If she was to live in pain, at least she could choose the pain she was used to.
During the night, a mass of grey clouds had covered the sky. Rain got up early and walked into the hallway. The stone floor was cold when he crossed it with bare feet. The guest room door was closed and he hesitated a moment before pulling it wide open.