IRC-Galleria

Mies ja nainen rakastivat toisiaan hyvin paljon, mutta vanhetessaan
heitä alkoi surettaa se, että jossain vaiheessa jompikumpi kuolisi
ja toinen jää yksin. He sopivat keskenään, että se joka ensimmäisenä
kuolee, ottaa elossa olevaan yhteyttä.Samalla voi kertoa, millaista
tuonpuoleisessa on.
No mies sitten kuoli. Ja eräänä päivänä naisen puhelin soi.
- No minä täällä terve.
- Terve terve. Millaista siellä rajan toisellapuolella on?
- Ei hullumpaa, mutta vähän aika käy pitkäksi. Aamulla ,kun heräämme,niin
ohjelmassa on salaattia ja seksiä. No sitten aamupäivä kuluu salaatin ja
seksin merkeissä. Puolilta päivin saamme salaattia ja seksiä.
Iltapäivällä onkin sitten salaattia ja seksiä. Illalla, kun olemme
saaneet salaattia ja seksiä, menemme nukkumaan. Mutta siinä jossain
välissä tietysti on vuorossa salaattia ja seksiä.
Nainen tuli hieman mustasukkaiseksi ja ärähti:
- Eiköhän se tullut jo selväksi? Mutta missä sinä nyt sitten oikein
olet? - No perkele, synnyin uudelleen kaniksi johonkin
pälkäneläiseen maataloon!

Naimisissa 25 vuotta ollut aviomies sanoi eräänä päivänä vaimolleen: "Kulta, 25 vuotta sitten meillä oli halpa asunto, halpa auto, nukuimme vuodesohvalla ja katselimme 10-tuuman mustavalkotelkkaria, mutta vieressäni oli joka yö upea 25-vuotias blondi. Nyt meillä on upea talo, hieno auto, leveä sänky ja plasma-tv, mutta vieressäni on 50-vuotias nainen. Minusta tuntuu, että sinä et ole pitänyt omaa osuuttasi sopimuksesta."

Hyvin järkevä vaimo lupasi aviomiehelleen, että jos tämä etsisi upean 25-vuotiaan blondin, niin hän puolestaan varmistaisi, että aviomies voisi taas asua halvassa asunnossa, ajaa halvalla autolla, nukkua vuodesohvalla ja katsella 10-tuumaista mustavalkotelkkaria.

Naiset sitten osaavat ratkaista keski-iän ongelmat.

Mitä juot mieluiten heti aamusta?
- kaffeeta

Pidätkö sateesta?
- riippuu mistä roikkuu....

Onko sinulla ADHD?
- On varmaan.=)

Mihin aikaan heräsit tänään?
- 05.30

Minne haluaisit mennä?
- emt. en tällä hetkellä mihinkään.

Omistatko läpsykkäät/sandaalit?
- juuh muutamat on.

Viimeinen asia jonka teet ennen nukkumaan menoa?
- pyörin pari tuntia sängyssä, ku odotan nukkumattia...

Ryhtyisitkö merirosvoksi?
- Miks ei?

Milloin puhelimesi soi viimeksi?
-n kaks minuuttia sitten.

Mitä laulua laulat suihkussa?
- en laula, kun naapurit ei tykkäisi....

Mitä pelkäsit pienenä nukkumaan mennessä?
- en kai mä mitään peljänny.

Mitä on taskuissasi juuri nyt?
- laastarii, avaimet, pari euroo ja kuitti

Parhaat lakanat jotka lapsena omistit?
- äääh, en mä muista.

Monta TV:tä talossasi on?
- Häh koko talos vai, en jaksa lähtee laskee, mutta meiän kämpässä 4kpl

Kovaäänisin ystäväsi?
- Riippuu kamujen"mielentilasta"=)

Mitä teit keskiyöllä?
- Juttelin Tytin kanssa puhelimessa.

Mitä ajattelit ensimmäiseksi aamulla?
- Miten Nico voi?

Onko sinulla tällä hetkellä laastaria?
- on taskussa =)

Onko kädessäsi sormusta?
- on

Kuinka monet farkut lojuu tällä hetkellä kaappisi perukoilla?
- liian monet, muttei yksiäkään kunnollisia tai hienoi =)

Onko vaatekomerosi enemmän tyhjä vai enemmän täysi?
- täysi, meinaan auton pesurättei....

Minkä elokuvan katsoit viimeksi?
- saw4

Minkä eläimen näit viimeksi?
- kissan

Mitä sanoit viimeksi?
- No ei koske mua...

Milloin viimeksi olit iloinen?
- tänään

Mitä luultavasti tekisit nyt, jos et olisi koneella?
- siivoaisin.

Omistatko laskimen?
- joo.

Monestikko päivässä peset hampaat?
- yleensä 2

Oletko äitisi kanssa hyvissä väleissä?
- Oonhan mä.

Mitä teit koulussa eilen?
- Mitä mä siellä tekisin?

Kenen kaverin kanssa olit viimeksi?
- Missä?

Mitä kanavaa katsoit viimeksi televisiosta?
- subii

Minkä väriset ovat sinun lakanasi?
- mustat

Luotatko keneenkään 100% ?
- O-o

Miksi?
- Mitä ja Milloin...

Mitä ajattelit viime yönä ennen kuin nukahdit?
- No Nicoa silloinkin....

Paras kesämuistosi?
- Lapsuuden kesät<3<3<3

Monetko kengät omistat?
- n.20 paria

Montako kertaa olet ollut ihastunut?
- kiitettävän monta=)

Nukutko valot päällä?
- en yleensä

Suututko helposti?
- No riippuu asiasta ja henkilöstä.

Mitä koulua käyt?
- No en tee vielläkään siellä mitään...

Uskotko aina kaiken mitä sinulle sanotaan?
- en puoliakaan =)

Kuinka usein kiroilet?
- Tarpeen vaatiessa.

Asioita, joita voi oppia vain pieniltä pojilta esim meidän Markolta...

1. Tuplaleveässä vesisängyssä on tarpeeksi vettä peittämään 100m2
asunnon lattiat 8 cm:n paksuudelta.

2. Jos pölyvillakoiriin suihkuttaa runsaasti hiuslakkaa ja niiden yli
luistelee rullaluistimilla ne voivat kipinöidä ja syttyä.

3. Hammastahnatuubin sisältö on yli 5 metriä.

4. Yhden kolmevuotiaan pojan ääni on ravintola-akustiikkaa apuna
käyttäen voimakkaampi kuin 200:n aikuisen yhteensä.

5. Kun kiinnität koiran talutushihnan kattotuulettimeen, ei moottori
jaksa pyörittää 15 kiloista
poikaa joka on pukeutunut Batman yöpukuun ja pyyhkeestä tehtyyn
viittaan. Kuitenkin sama moottori on riittävän voimakas levittääkseen
maalin tasaisesti kaikille neljälle seinälle 6x5 metrisessä huoneessa,
kun
talutushihnaan kiinnitetään maalipurkki.

6. Koskaan ei pitäisi heittää pesä- tai golfpalloa ilmaan kun
kattotuuletin on päällä. Jos kuitenkin kattotuuletinta käytetään edellä
mainitulla tavalla mailana, joutuu palloa heittämään useamman kerran
jotta saisi osuman. Kattotuuletin pystyy lyömään pallon todella kauas.

7. Ikkunat, edes kolmikerroksiset, eivät pysäytä kattotuulettimen lyömää
golfpalloa.

8. Kun kuulet vessasta vetämisäänen sekä sanan "Oho", on jo liian myöhäistä.

9. Jarruneste sekoitettuna Kloriittiin tuottaa savua. Paljon.

10. Kuusivuotias poika saa tulen aikaan tuluksilla vaikka 36-vuotias
mies väittää sen onnistuvan vain elokuvissa.

11. Tietynmuotoiset Lego-palikat kulkevat helposti neljävuotiaan pojan
ruuansulatuskanavan läpi.

12. Sanat "Muovailuvaha" ja "Mikroaaltouuni" eivät kuulu samaan lauseeseen.

13. Pikaliima on ikuista.

14. Jätesäkistä ei saa toimivaa laskuvarjoa.

15. Marmorikuulat bensatankissa pitävät kovaa ääntä ajon aikana.

16. EI, sinä et halua tietää mistä se haju tulee.

17. Katso aina uuniin ennen kuin laitat sen päälle. Muovilelut eivät
pidä uuneista.

18. Palokunta saapuu keskimäärin 12 minuutissa.

19. Pyykikoneen nopeinkaan linkous ei pyörrytä kastematoja.

20. Kuitenkin sama nopeus pyöryttää kissaa.

21. Kissat voivat oksentaa kaksinkertaisesti ruumiinpainonsa kun niitä
pyörryttää.

22. 80 % miehistä jotka lukevat tämän kokeilevat sekoittaa jarrunestettä
ja kloriittia.

23. Kaikki naiset, oli heillä lapsia tai ei, lähettävät tämän kaikille
ystävilleen joilla on sähköposti.

Mitä eri alan ihmiset toteavat rakastelun tai sen yrityksen jälkeen:

Lääkäri - Tämä on tällä selvä. Voitte pukea.

Mäkihyppääjä - Tiedän, pituutta olisi saanut olla enemmän.

Maanviljelijä - Minähän sanoin ettei tämä onnistu ilman tukea.

Rallikuski - Väärä kumivalinta pilasi kaiken.

Jääkiekkoilija - No, minä vain roiskaisin sinnepäin ja tällä kertaa sattui
menemään sisään.

Jääkiekkoselostaja - Mitä ihmettä tapahtui? Onko se siellä? Oli kyllä
sekava
tilanne, vaikea sanoa mitään!

Jääkiekkovalmentaja - Meidän pitää saada liikettä lisää. Tässä on vielä
paljon opittavaa.

Formulakuljettaja - No, ei sille mahda mitään, että vehkeet pettävät.

Hiihtäjä - Väärä voitelu.

Huippu-urheilija - Kun ei jaksa, niin ei jaksa...

Juristi - Asia salainen, suljettujen ovien takana, ilman tunteita

Markkinoija - Eikä tässä vielä kaikki...

Olympiaurheilija - Totta kai olen pettynyt. Sitä kun on harjoitellut tätä
hetkeä varten jo 4 vuotta ja sitten mikään ei onnistu!

Pesäpalloilija - Eikös me näin sovittu...

Formulaselostaja - Mahtavaa! Elämme historiallisia hetkiä! Tätä ei ota
meiltä kukaan pois!

Poliitikko - Minä en ole tehnyt mitään! Olen järkyttynyt tuollaisista syytöksistä. Tämä on selvä ajojahti minua kohtaan.

Jalkapalloilija - Kyllä tuollaisesta paikasta on jo pakko pistää sisään!

Insinööri - En minä tätä kyllä näin suunnitellut.

Portsari - No, yritetäänpä sitten ensikerralla uudestaan.

IT-ammattilainen - Kyllä se EILEN vielä toimi...

Koripalloilija - Eka yritys meni ohi, mutta onneksi toisella jo osui.

Apteekkari - Kenenkä vuoro oli seuraavana?

Rockmuusikko - Okei, nyt kaikki mukaan!

Golfari - Onko nyt minun vuoro?

Hammaslääkäri - No niin, voit laittaa suun kiinni ja nielaista välillä.

Rakastuneet ihmiset pitelevät toisiaan kädestä, etteivät sormukset
putoaisi koska ne ovat kalliita.
- Tiina 7 v.

Arseniikki on vahva mauste, joka voi helposti pilata
koko päivällisen.
- Jenna 10 v.

Mulla on viisi mummoa... vaari on vähän kertonut.
- Pia 4 v.

Luille on tärkeää, että ne saavat tarpeeksi kalkkia ja valiumia, niin
että hampaat kasvavat suuriksi ja teräviksi.
- Marius 6 v.

On ikävää, kun joku kuolee. Varsinkin jos se on
sellainen, joka tavallisesti antaa rahaa.
- Björn 6 v.

Ei ole oikein hyvä, jos raskaana olevilla naisilla on munalikööriä
pissassa -Tove 9 V.

Jotkut jutut on niin viisaita, ettei ne naurata.
- Katarina 5 v

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Auta kissaa valloittamaan Irc-Galleria
Lisäämällä tämä sinun päiväkirjaasi :D