IRC-Galleria

Men Are Like...

... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your ass.

... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

... Commercials.
Most everything they say is bullshit.

... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.


I like the parking spot comment the best. Have a lovely day.
-Bling Bling.

As a concerned member of society, I'd like to give out a friendly reminder to all you sexy party animals partying this Juhannus weekend:

Please be smart, wear a condom, don't take drugs if you don't know where they are coming from and don't take drinks from strangers unless those strangers are sexy and you've seen the drink poured from the bar desk.

For the ladies: men are never as cute as you think when you are drunk.
For the gentlemen: your game doesn't get better the more beers you have, it in fact becomes much worse due to common incidents such as red, half-closed eyes and bad breath.

This weekend is about partying hard, but you'll be much happier on Monday morning if you haven't contracted herpes or some strange rash from a gang rape that happened after someone drugged your drink.

Peace, love and cardio-

Lollipops,
Homegirl aka"Bling Bling Pimp"

Have a crush? Have a secret admirer? Well, chances are then when you go out and perhaps become intoxicated that you will feel confidence like you've never felt before and think "Now is a great time to call them!"

Don't do it. Polls have rated the drunk dial as not only harmful to your ego the next morning but also shows the ineffectiveness of a drunken text message or phone call when trying to actually hook up with that special someone.

I know what you're thinking "But homegirl, when I'm drunk , I won't remember these things!" It's ok, just follow this simple procedure. You will need post it notes, a pen and your phone:

Take out your phone and find the number you drunk dial. Then take the pen and write that number on the post it note. Put the note then into your desk top drawer or some other place it won't become lost. Delete the number from your phone.

At first it seems odd to delete the number from your phone, but remember that you have the spare number in your desk at home. Don't worry, if that person wants to see you, they'll call you. Until then, you seem cool as a cat and can enjoy a night with all new people at the club without the embarrasing realization of all your drunk dialing the night before.

Remember, Homegirl knows best.

For my biatch Mape: Keepin' it gangsta' white girl style

Dear Diary,

It's been 9 days since I've seen my beloved Mape. I knew the day would come that she would indeed have to go home back to Kiuruvesi and leave us alone here in JKL, but I never knew it would feel like this. I go to visit her old house and sit in her room-my heart crying- wondering why she doesn't call, why she doesn't visit. My cider glass has been (almost) empty since she left-I see it and think "When will I go out again?"

The weather is getting warmer now and we ventured to a bar...without Mape. We didn't need our coats and we didn't have to pay to get in! But alas, Mape wasn't there to enjoy that simple pleasure. I eat my pizza alone-no one to spoon me in bed, or make me creme fraiche/ketchup pasta for me when I have a hangover. I miss my Mape.

Ode to Mape. Please come home.

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

But seriously bitch, you know you have more fun in JKL than Kisis. :P

I think the lovely Jay-Z put it best...

"Ladies is pimps too go'and brush ya' shoulders off"

Although cute and intriguing at first, ladies watch out, these species of men are totally and completely unable to be understood. Some studies have even found them to be more complicated than women. Lastly, never attempt to approach a Finnish man without a friend by your side, for risk of becoming completely disoriented and confused and possibly forgetting why you approached them in the first place.

ha-

:) Always remember, homegirl knows best.

When cooking meat, more specifcally pork, make sure that you cook it thoroughly - as to kill all "bacteria" and harmfull "infections" that may be in the raw meat. If you don't, you may get something called "food poisoning" and that can be quite uncomfortable.

By the way...whoever made that pork dish last week in catering that made me fucking sicker than I've ever been in my whole life...I'm going to find out who you are-

:)

If you are balding, don't grow your hair long and wear it in a ponytail. Just because you have twice as much hair on the back of your head doesn't hide that fact that it's still all missing off the top.

Stay tuned for more fashion tips from Homegirl.

"Maybe some women weren't mean to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone, just as wild, to run with."

-Sex and the City.



Aiiiiiivaaaaan......

Catering Class 13.4.07; Please sing to the tune of Blue Swede's "Hooked on a Feeling" :

I can't stop this feel-ling,
Rushing to my head,
Damn our friday cook-ing class--
and these stupid breads...

When I cut youuuu, you just burn my eyes,
And you bast-ards,
Always make me cry! !

Iiiiii'mmm, Iiiiiiii'mmm I'm choppin' my onions!

(doot-do-doot doo)


<3 Jen (and parlty Mape in class)