IRC-Galleria

Beauty, like all things in life, is only a temporary, evanescent notion. It is best represented in a passing moment. Perhaps in a fleeting face of a goddess amidst a crowd that one moment is there and at another, gone. Leaving behind the impression of impeccable beauty, inflating the soul with a fresh breath of summer air, with possibilities of new, invigorating sensations, and the mind with a sense of longing to capture that moment.

I often scold my inability to yield to my temptations. I curse the caprice of my mind that often leads me astray from my basic instincts and urges. It is that caprice which plagues my mind and fills my soul with craving for the things it has forbidden itself. In order to satisfy the modern aspect of beauty, I wear the contemporary costume, and lower myself into the same cast with the ignorant, uncouth and the vulgar.

Afraid to rebel against the modern values and expectations, I have degenerated into a hideous marionette, haunted by the passions of which I was too much afraid, or the exquisite temptations
that I had not the courage to yield to. I have allowed my soul an outside influence without realizing its immoral nature. Like most men, I have become rational, more than an animal, yet in a sense, less than an animal.

I have become an actor of a part that hasn't been written for me. I have become an echo of music that is not of me. Instead of developing myself, I've fit myself into the mould that is expected of me. I've fought to realize my own nature, but why am I afraid of myself? Why am I unable to fulfill the highest of all duties? The duty to one's self.

From weakness spurn dwells an urge to cure one's soul. To do so, is only a matter of succumbing to one's true nature. Fill the soul by the means of senses and the senses by means of the soul. Initiate the pursuit for pleasure. Give in to the simple pleasures, they are the last refuge from the complexity of mind. Only then, will the soul truly blossom in beauty.

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For those of you who still hold the power over your own soul, my advice is:

Carpe diem! Seize the moment! Tartu hetkeen!

Yesterday, ankkarock, Opeth.

Need I say more?

Once again the phobias come back alive in this chilly October morning. There's no sight of the rising sun, in fact, there's not even a sight of the faint grey light between the darkness and bright of the day. Just the darkness and the distant light of the stars.

Sparsely located lampposts fail to provide a proper lighting to the surroundings. They fail to assure my already timid mind with the sense of security. And that is why my eyes turn frantic when I notice a twinkling lamp at the corner of the building. Of course it happens to be the only lamp around here that isn't working properly. How convinient. As if the empty and dusky yard isn't enough to get my imagination flying, the lamp blinks and buzzes like they usually do in the horror films which are so characteristic to nurture the phobias inside of me.

It also happens to be the last corner I have to turn in order to get back to my destination, the safe haven of warmth, cozyness and light. Determined, yet alert I stroll around the corner.

The light flickers.
My eyes widen.
My pace slows down.






Across the yard,
there's a woman.






Fifty meters away from me,
at the edge of the forest, standing there,
silent, motionless, beneath a lone lamppost, staring at me.

Contrast to the pale set of colours in the surroundings of the lamppost,
this woman's coat was sharply red, clearly visible in the dim light.
I felt my conciousness drawn to this rich nuance of colour.
To my demise it banished all else of my mind.

"Of all places, why is she here?" I think to myself.
My eyes locked on her I slowly close the distance between us, afraid of even blinking my eyes. Foolishly thinking I might find her next to me if I'll take even the split second to blink them. Twenty meters to safety, "Why the fuck is she here at this hour? What is she doing just standing there?", I'm getting visibly nervous. The atmosphere is suffocating, heavy of fear. I fasten my pace.


Ten meters.
Still no sign of movement. Not a sound.
Distance to her must be around 30 meters.


Five meters.
I can make it. I fish out the keys from my pocket. Hands shaking I turn my eyes off the woman and search for the right key, finding it quickly I hastily open the door and glimpse to my side only to find out that the woman has moved. I didn't notice it before, but now it seems that there's some sort of an extension to her arm. A leash of some kind. My eyes widen once again. "What the fuuck!" A chill runs down my spine and fear takes a grip of me. And then something small moves at her feet. A small dog makes an appearance to the light.

Then it hits me. I let out a nervous chuckle, "What? It was just a woman taking her dog out. Nothing to get excited about". And I realize what a fool I am.