IRC-Galleria

Äskö oli nii hyvä fiilis ^^ Oikeesst, ihana<3 oon ollu kamalan hyväntuulinen lähipäivinä. siis todella TODELLA hyväntuulinen. tää päivä menee nyt jotenki ihan nappiin :o tietty on sellasia pieniä kurjia juttuja, mut nehän kuuluu elämään. jos on isompia... no sitte ne on aika usein ite syyllisenä, ainaki osasyyllisenä. ei tietty ihan ihan aina. jos teil on joku kauhee angsti, miettikääpä oisko vaan asenteesta kii, vai meneeks oikeesti perseelleen. mut joo, offtopiccia :P

Pitäis lukee postit. Kokonaisuudessaa kaks kirjettä ja kolme lehtee.. -_- tosin yks niistä ei tullu postissa, hehe. kaupasta ostin :B

tsippidiidau<3 hyvät päivänjatkot! tuskinpa enää kirjotan tänää tänne : ))

nysseontäälläsetarina. hakuontehtykallioon! i am free. ja oon lasketelluki, oh it was so refreshing! oon vasta alottanu laskettelun, joten laskin ekaa kertaa mustasta. mut tosin kusetettiin siihen -_-
mut ei se ollukaa niin paha. mul on korkeenpaikankammo, tai ainaki luulisin että on, ainaski jonkinkokonen. joten oli aika kova pala nähä ku se mäki katoo edestä täysin ja sillee. mä ku oon vielä amatöörilaskija. mutta sittennn päätin että ei siihen kuole, ja että takasin ei oo menemistä. ja niin sitä ku pääs sitte vauhtiin... Se oli kivaa 8)
Laskin kuulemma hyvin, hahaa xP

voitin pelkoni ;)

Pitkästä aikaa 8) Päätin justiinsa tossa, että kun oon korjaillu aikas paljon tota novelliani ni laittaisin nyt parannellun version tänne, ja 7. osa samaan syssyyn. Ja kaikki ihmiset Paljon Kommenttia!! Tarvin mielipiteitä tosta koska tungin sen lukiohakemukseeni mukaan elikkä se on aikas tärkee juttu.
Jännää et sellasesta pikkusesta päähänpistosta lähti tollanen.
Ehkä mä ohjaan tosta vielä jonku näytelmän 8) seku on vähän kässärimuodossa, eiks jeh~

Ja nyt sitten. mä laitan tuon novellin tänne. tai itse asiassa en laitakaa vielä. laitan kohta. ja pistän sen niin, että ensin pistän vikan osan, sit tokavikan JNE. Ni sit voi alottaa lukemisen ylhäältä päin eikä tarvi selata alkuun ja nähä kaikkia spoileja/loppuratkasua.
Jejej. Ippu kiittää. Jos jaksaa.

Ei jaksa.

Koska on väsy >.<

IF I LOSE YOUR LOVE~




CHAPTER 1 - Promise

-I think I’m going now, will you be okay? I will come back tomorrow, I asked the doctor how’s your illnes, and he said there‘s nothing bad really going on. I think you are getting better, little by little
-Hey, donÂ’t go yetÂ… I AM getting better, I feel it! And itÂ’s thanks to you!
-Honey, you know I want to stay by your side
-Mm
-May, you know I have to go now. I promise to come tomorrow *kiss*
-*blush* OkayÂ… Love you
-Love you too


-Hi, Jay! You came!
-Of course. I always do, you know it, donÂ’t you?
-Yea..
-Hey, is everything okay?
-Mm… It’s just that it feels like it was just a while ago I got to know about my illnes, though it‘s already been three months… And it still scares me…
-I know. Just take it easy. You canÂ’t stress yourself, remember! I donÂ’t know what to do if I lose youÂ…
-You wonÂ’t. I donÂ’t die so easily *smile*
-*smile*
-You promise, okay?
-What?
-Promise not to die
-JayÂ… *laughs* Why all the seriousness?
-Because I AM serious. Really, if you die, my heart dies with you
-Oh noÂ… Please donÂ’t show that face! IÂ’m gonna be fine! And when I get out of this hospital, IÂ’ll go on a date with you! And we are going to do everything crazyÂ… Like young people are supposed to!
-ThatÂ’s right!
-Jay, you have to promise me also one thing
-What is it?
-You have to promise you will never ever betray me!
-What? You think I would do that? I love you so much. You are the most important person to me in the whole world! So donÂ’t worry, okay?
-Okay
-Can I kiss you?
-Why couldnÂ’t you? *smile*
-*chu* I love you, I love you, I love you, May
-I know I know, I love you too, Jay~

CHAPTER 2 - Another

Two weeks later-
Jay sits on a bench, in a park near his house. His friend (girl named Jane) goes by and sees Jay. She comes to him and sits next to him.

-Hi, Jay..!
-Oh, hello
-HowÂ’ve you been? I havenÂ’t seen you for a while
-Well, IÂ’ve been with May pretty muchÂ… She needs me now more than ever
-Ah, ohÂ…
-Are you sad about somethingÂ…?
-W-Wha?
-Well, youÂ’re expression is kind of weirdÂ… You look a bit down
-Oh, do I? No no, itÂ’s nothing!
-Sure?
-UhmÂ…
-No really, whatÂ’s going on? Trouble with some boy? He doesnÂ’t love you back? Believe me, I know these thingsÂ…
-WellÂ… Um, you could actually say thatÂ…
-So, a difficult love. You wanna tell me about it? Though, I have to go soon to the hospitalÂ…
-O-OkayÂ… Ah, thatÂ’s.. IÂ’ve loved him for many years now, and heÂ… I donÂ’t really now what to doÂ…
-Have you told him yet, that you love him, I mean?
-No, I have notÂ…
-Well maybe you should! And then see what he answers! Maybe he thinks the same about you
-Do you think I should do.. That?
-I really do!
-Okay, wellÂ… IÂ… IÂ’ve loved you since 8th grade. ItÂ’s been almost four years nowÂ… AndÂ… I think about you all the time, tooÂ… Please feel the same way! Please!! I-I canÂ’t live without you! And I can do anything you want! Just try it out with me! I beg you!
-Â… What, IÂ… JaneÂ…?
-Oh my godÂ… What I just saidÂ…! IÂ’m sorry, IÂ… I have to go!!
-Jane-- Â…ShitÂ…What the hell was that, reallyÂ…

Jay stands up and walks home. Right before he falls asleep, he thinks about what happened.
‘ That was really something… Now that I think about it, we loved each other in junior high… But then we somehow broke up and I met May. Now I love her, and nobody else… I have to tell Jane that, and clearly. My feelings for her are completely gone, and my mind is just filled with May, May… Oh, how I would like to hold her now, here, next to me…’
And with these thoughts in his mind, he falls asleep. Though he he wouldnÂ’t be able to sleep, if he knew what was coming.

CHAPTER 3 - Shock

Jay is walking to the hospital. He arrives to MayÂ’s room and goes in. A doctor stands next to May and looks a bit worried.

-Oh, doctor
-HiÂ… YouÂ’re Jay, arenÂ’t you?
-Yes
-SheÂ’s been talking about youÂ… Good that you came. Unfortunately you can be here only a little time
-..Why?
-WellÂ… As a matter in fact, her condition is worrying me
-Oh noÂ… WhatÂ’s going on? Is she allright?
-She has a high feverÂ… She was unconciouss earlier, but I think now sheÂ’s just sleepingÂ… Oh, right, she seems to have woken up now. You can talk to her a while
-Okay, thanks doctor

-May, can you hear me?
-Â…
-May?
-Â… HiÂ…
-Feeling sleepy? *smiles gently*
-UmmÂ… A littleÂ… WhatÂ’sÂ… going on?
-You have a feverÂ… ItÂ’s allright. IÂ’m sure it will go away soon
-You.. Think so?
-Yep
-GoodÂ… ThenÂ… I believe youÂ… Jay. H-HeyÂ…
-What is it?
-YouÂ… You havenÂ’t broken your promise, right..?
-Of course not
-ThatÂ’sÂ… good
-Yeah
-Hey, JayÂ…
-Hmm?
-You willÂ… Only love me? Okay? IÂ… Kind of need youÂ…
-Yes, only you, forever. Now, rest. I canÂ’t wait to get to spend time with you
-YeahÂ…

Doctor comes in.

-Okay, Jay. You should go now, I start the examinationÂ…
-OkayÂ… Please, take good care of her
-I will


So Jay leaves, and May stays to watch when he walks away. With her feverish eyes, she saws when he goes out of the roomÂ… She watches him all the time, and when Jay walks away, May still sees him through a mirror in her room.
In the same time, Jay has just entered the aisle after Mays room. He doesnÂ’t know May still sees him.
Suddenly someone bumps into him. ItÂ’s Jane.

-Jane! What-
-I had to see you!
-No, Jane, we are at the hospital-

Jay is trying to take a step forward but Jane blocks him.

-I canÂ’t help it!! Really, I canÂ’t get you out of my mind! Please, give me a chance!
-Shut it, now! This is not the place, we have to-
-No! I CANÂ’T WAIT ANY LONGER!

Jane grabs JayÂ’s hand and kisses him forcefully. After understanding what happens, Jay pushes Jane away and runs away from the aisle, Jane with him. Once they are out of the building, Jay slaps Jane and runs away. He can never love anyone else but May.

But he doesnÂ’t know, that May was there watching. May was there watching, and saw him kissing another girl.

May closes her eyes, but tears keep falling. And it doesnÂ’t stop.

CHAPTER 4 - Mistake

-I canÂ’t believe she kissed me back thereÂ… I CANÂ’T BELIEVE ITÂ…
-Calm down, okay? You have to get well soon, so you can go to see May again!
-YeahÂ… I got this fucking fever tooÂ…
-Well is that a miracle? I mean, it mustÂ’ve been stressfull to be forced to a kiss with another girlÂ… And May was in the same buildingÂ…
-I knowÂ… But I canÂ’t stand this! I havenÂ’t seen my girl for so many daysÂ… God, I miss May so much!
-Aaw, you can hug me
-Shut the fuck upÂ…

Jay sits on a bed with his friend, Al. Jay has been stuck at home for three days already because of his fever. His mother doesnÂ’t allow him to go see May when heÂ’s sick.

-This is making me more sick, you knowÂ… What if somethingÂ’s happened to MayÂ…
-Dude, you wanna hear my opinion? There are still those doctors for May. Maybe you should handle the Other problem instead. You know, with Jane
-But how? I donÂ’t know where she lives, she moved last summerÂ…
-HmmÂ… Well, thenÂ… You have her cellphone number?
-No, I deleted it when we broke up back then and I canÂ’t remember itÂ…
-Uff, then what should we doÂ… You have to say something to her.
-No, waitÂ… When I think about itÂ… IÂ’m not sure butÂ… I think she put something to my pocket when we met at the park some time agoÂ… LetÂ’s seeÂ… Yes! She did! HereÂ’s a cellphone numberÂ… Why do I feel like IÂ’m forgetting somethingÂ… Well, whatever. IÂ’ll try to call now.


Nobody picks up the phone. And thatÂ’s because the number that Jay thinks is Janes, belongs Actually to May. It was May who put her cellphonenumber to Jays pocket.

-Damn, she doesnÂ’t pick upÂ… Well, maybe itÂ’s easier to leave a message.
-Good luck, manÂ…
-Okay, here I go.

Jay dials the number and calls. And makes the worst mistake in his whole life.

-Hi, this is JayÂ… I know you must be a little shocked of what I did in the hospital. I just had this weird feeling (Jay means when he hit Jane). What IÂ’m trying to say is thatÂ… You have to understand that I donÂ’t love you anymore. Sure we were happy back then, but itÂ’s over now. For the last time, IÂ’m sorry. I have another girl in my heart now. So donÂ’t bother me anymore.

CHAPTER 5 - Nighthour


Jay runs in the street. He runs faster than ever. His heart beats faster than ever. He is scared that itÂ’s too late.

Jay arrives to the hospital. He rushes straight to MayÂ’s rooms floor and from there to her room. Five adults have gathered around MayÂ’s bed. Three of them are doctors, and two of them are MayÂ’s parents. Both of them are crying.

-What happened!?

MayÂ’s mother and father turn their faces to Jay.

-SheÂ…SheÂ…
-ItÂ’s okey, dearÂ… Calm downÂ…

Father tries to calm his wife. His voice is trembling.

-HowÂ… How can I calm down!? ItÂ’s my child, my child lays in that bedÂ… ItÂ’s MY childÂ…

Mother starts to cry even harder and hides her face to her hands.
Father holds his wife little closer and looks painfully to the doctors.

-They canÂ’t say whyÂ… ItÂ’s propably because of the illnesÂ… NobodyÂ… Knows for sureÂ…
-What is it?

Jay is holding his tears. He asks again.

-WhatÂ… is it?

Father turns his face to the floor and starts to sob quietly.

-We donÂ’t know whyÂ… It happened so suddenly, and this couldnÂ’t be predicted in any wayÂ… SheÂ… She has stopped breathing.

CHAPTER 6 - Goodbye

-IÂ’m really sorryÂ… Her illnes has turned to something we canÂ’t cure. Somehow, she seems not to want to live anymoreÂ… We canÂ’t do anythingÂ… You can say goodbyes to her and then I suggest you to leave. You are informed later about the situationÂ…

The doctors leave the room. MayÂ’s mother cries against her husband. They say something to May and then also leave.
Jay walks trembling next to her bed. He sits down and a tear falls from his eye.

-WhatÂ… Happened, May?

He waits for the answer. Mays eyes stay closed. Jay takes a deep breath and grabs the girls hand, gently.

-YouÂ… You promised, didnÂ’t you? You p-promised meÂ… You wouldnÂ’t dieÂ…

He doesnÂ’t try to stop them anymore, the tears. They fall freely to his cheeks, when his suffering eyes look at Mays lifeless face.


-You canÂ’t leave me, okay..? No, May, donÂ’tÂ… I could die for you, just donÂ’t go, pleaseÂ… PleaseÂ…! WHAT DID I DO WRONG!? Damn!!..
-Ja..y..
-May? MAY!! YouÂ’re still alive!! Did you say something?!
-ItsÂ… M-eÂ…DÂ…
-What? What? I am here, May, I am here!! Stay awake!
-DonÂ…tÂ…beÂ…sad
-DonÂ’tÂ… WhatÂ… No, May, pleaseÂ…
-IÂ…
-May!?
-IÂ… St..
-No No No, donÂ’t close your eyes! No-!
-J-ayÂ… IÂ… StillÂ… Lo-veÂ…You.


~



“I still love you.” Those were the last words I heard May said to me. Se had written a letter, where she explained everything. She thought I didn’t love her anymore. She thought she was left alone, but she kept on loving me. I made a mistake, that ruined my life, ruined May’s life. I know I’ll never forgive myself. And I hate myself now, I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life. She died for a misunderstanding. I was important to her. So important, that it took her away.
ItÂ’s been many years now, but still I remember it all; the night when I ran to the hospital; I remember the painfull looks and MayÂ’s eyes full of sadness, when she looked at me for the last time. I remember, how I prayed for her to come back, and finally, fell asleep with her cold hands in my owns.
As winter turns to spring, and summer to autumn, life changes. Time changes. And we canÂ’t stop it.

I continued my life, thinking about her. I hope she is happy where she is now. And IÂ’m glad I am able to follow her someday. I have tried to commit a suicide for a few times, but thereÂ’s always something that stops me. ItÂ’s like May is wispering to my ear to keep on trying. I get a warm feeling inside me, and forget the lonely world for a moment.

ThatÂ’s right. There are things we canÂ’t stop from turning to something else. Maybe we forget, maybe we get tired of caring. For meÂ… My life took a new curse that night. Now I am walking a lonely path, that seems to be endless. But I donÂ’t complain, because I know thereÂ’s one thing that will never change.


I will always love May.
And she will always stay in my heart, until the day
ItÂ’s my turn to close my eyes
For the Last time.

CHAPTER 7 - YouÂ’ll be there

" A young 22-years-old man got into a car accident yesterday at 10:67 pm. The accident was unordinary because of it‘s place. Currently he's in coma, and is taken care of at the Penrose Community Hospital. The man was driving and when he came to a corner, another car suddenly drove too fast to his direction and the cars crashed. Another car’s owner was about a 17-years-old girl, who hasn’t been identifyed yet. Apparently she was driving without a car license, the reason is still unknown. The man was driving a…”

Â…


A Letter May Left, full of dried tears

“Jay. You don’t know how lonely I was. When I heard the message, I knew it was too much. With this sick body, I lost the one thing that kept me continue believing, hoping for a better tomorrow. Without you, I am a wandering soul, that has no peace. I have no place.
I will watch you from above. YouÂ’ll be lonely too, right? Though you wouldnÂ’t love me anymore, I will. That is never changing. If an angel would appear to me, and ask what is my last wish, I would say I want to see Jay. I would say, that I want to be healty for five minutes and just be in your arms. Five minute happiness. That would be my wish. But thereÂ’s no angel, and no you.

I want things to be like they used to be, when our love kept us high.
You were my air. You were my universe with millions of twinkling stars. You were my destiny, but was I yours?

IÂ’m sorry. You did something that will be my end. Life isnÂ’t usually too fair, but this time it is.

Someday, I will come and take you with me.”







THE END~