IRC-Galleria

... modern television...

I enjoyed the fact that TV stopped being so episodic and began embracing more of a serial format. You know what I mean, where stories are continued from episode to episode throughout the season and the series. 24, Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Dexter, etc.

The annoying part is... "Previously on..." You know. "Previously on 24..." "Previously on Lost..." This isn't such a problem if you're watching on TV. Really, there should be a little reminder of what came before so you don't forget some details, and there should be a quick up-to-dater for people that missed an episode or two.

But I really don't watch television when the shows are broadcast. (especially since many of the shows in Finland are airing a year or two after they run in the US... annoying!) I watch the DVD.

"Previously on..." gets really annoying when watching a marathon of, say, 24. The rental place just gives you a couple days... so 24 episodes of 24 in two days... and every episode (even the first episode in a season now, since it recalls past seasons!) has a couple of minutes or more of "Previously on..." That's just about a full hour of flashbacks. I recently watched the first season of Dexter on DVD. Only 12 episodes, so only a half hour lost to "Previously On..."s. But still.

OK. I understand that the DVD should present the show exactly how it aired in the first place. But... uhh... why isn't there a chapter stop right after the "Previously On..." ends? And after the show introduction (which admittedly isn't a problem on things like Lost or 24, but I don't need to watch Dexter shaving and having breakfast 12 times in a row...)? "I'm watching a bunch of episodes... oh, new episode, *skip skip* OK, new stuff!" You'd think they'd take advantage of the technology they have to make the viewing experience as pleasant as possible.

But they don't. Because they're tossbags, cads, simpletons, mooncalfs, and just all around monkey fuckers because they engage in these shenanigans and tomfoolery.

To take advantage of this issue, I really want to become a television series developer. No, I really don't want to come up with great concepts and characters and actually make a TV show. That seems too much like work and most TV is shit and I don't need to contribute any more shit.

What I want to do is come up with concepts that fuck around with the whole "Previously On..."

For example. I want to name a television show Previously On. And at the beginning of every episode the first words would be, "Previously on Previously On."

Or name a show Your Tits. Obviously that one would be European-only. "Previously on Your Tits." A plethora of body parts can be used for this one. "From the makers of Your Tits... coming this fall... My Cock."

Previously on My Cock...

Or, if we wanted to stay away from vulgar humor and avoid jokes which work only one time... we could really play with the concept.

Make a show that's completely episodic. No real connection from one episode to the next, like your average sitcom. Begin every episode with a "Previously on..." But the stuff in the Previously On will be stuff that was never in an actual episode, and has nothing to do with what will happen in the current episode. Maybe it doesn't even include the same characters. Maybe it'll have clips from another show entirely. Or some movie. Make it a little gag every week.

Or... this one is evil... end an episode of a show with a big cliffhanger. OHMYGODWHATHAPPENSNEXT? Then begin the next episode with a "Previously On..." that reveals what happened in the most unsatisfying way possible. Make people think they missed an episode or the TV station accidentally skipped one. Really piss people off with it. But of course, the actual episode will then be the expected follow-up, having no connection to the material in the "Previously On..."

Or, one time, one of these shows can start with "Previously on... THE SHOW THAT IS A CONTINUING STORY SO WHY THEY HELL DIDN'T YOU WATCH IT LAST WEEK OR IF YOU'RE NEW TO THE SHOW OR COULDN'T BE IN FRONT OF YOUR TV AT THE SCHEDULED TIME LAST WEEK, THERE'S THIS THING CALLED THE INTERNET WITH MANY WAYS BOTH LEGITIMATE AND NOT TO WATCH THESE DAMN SHOWS SO WHY ARE WE WASTING TIME CATCHING YOU UP WHEN YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T CARE ENOUGH TO KNOW?"

I hate television.