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Now I know what is difference.. it took me 17 long long years to found out, but now I know.. Now I fucking know.. And because I know everything will be different to me now.

Now I know what makes me different from you! I don´t hate what makes me different. I love it.. Because now I know.

Somehow I always did know. Maybe I didn´t want to hear it then.. Still I wanted the answer to my question. Why was I different from everybody else? And I don´t mean different like different hairstyle or clothing or skin color. I mean different like outsider, like nobody really gets you and that kind of difference.

Then today it strike me like lighting from clear sky.. I did know why I was, were and will be always different from everyone. Why no one can´t understand me. Why everyone will look me sideways. Why the world won´t accept me. Now I know what makes me different..

It´s somehow securing to know something about your self which changes the world around you.. Someone can think that it´s religion or power or money or friends or family or maybe something else. But it isn´t anything like that.

This isn´t angst talk. I just want to make difference clear to you all.. I´m sure that none of you will understand a word what I want to say, but still I write this shit to you to read. And I know that this will be like waste to you but still..

I want to make it clear to you all that I know what difference is. It can be anything. But in my case.. Difference is something that will change the world around me. And which makes me understand every fucking thing what comes before me.. Or after me or just simply stands still and looks me in the eye.

Usually people describes different like it´s not same as everything else.. It´s just different. But what makes different different? Is it what we think? Something what we know? Something what we believe? No that´s not different. It´s just normal to people assume that that is different. But what makes the difference isn´t anything in that. What makes difference is what we do! Not something what we think or believe. We have to do something to make the fucking difference in this fucking world.

But back to the subject in hand. What makes me different from everybody else? It´s the subject what every single people in this world will sometime think someday in their life. It´s just a question like every other question. It´s common question but people won´t ask it from others. Why is that? because they want to find it out without options from others.

People want to know something unique. And difference is the unique quality what every single soul want to know. They don´t want to know why we are here? it´s the same question all over again. They want to know how and why they are different and how that difference will change the world around them and others. They want approval and that´s something what difference does not allow. Or come with.

Difference separates us from them and them from us. And it makes us unique. Unique does´n allow approval any more than difference. There many people will see a problem and that´s why they silence the voice inside their heads and become like everyone else.

That´s their path.. Not mine. I hate normality and the fucking secure feeling that comes there when you are like every fucking else. They all think that it´s safe that way. They don´t want to cross paths with difference and what comes with it. With difference comes lack of approval, hatred and madness.

And that madness makes me different. I have always known that I´m different from else.. I love difference and that insecure feeling that comes with it. I fucking cherish it. I love it. I don´t want to be different from everyone else. I just am. And I love it. And I approve it. I can´t understand how all people want to be like everybody else. The second thing witch I don´t understand is religion. It makes us equal and same as every fucking else.. Don´t you idiots understand that there is no god???? That we are ourselves gods??

Why I´m different from everybody else? It´s because I´m fucking out of my fucking mind. I´m insane, lunatic, nuts, loco, loony, wacky, cracked, berserk, flaky, demented, loopy, bonkers, cockeyed call it what you want.. But that madness makes me different from everyone else.. It gives me the power to dislike everything. It gives me the lack of emotions, it gives me the change to accept myself. And I´m fucking happy about it..