IRC-Galleria

For weeks now I have just lost patience to everything. To people, to the world..... to justice.... *everything*. I´m starting to think, that all that bottled up anger over the years is finally consuming me. All the traumas in my ancient past that would justify the deaths of almost everyone I knew.... all the "fated" biological tragedies I´ve faced... the broken hearts I´ve felt scraping my intestines with tiny shards that will never move on.... everything. I´ve swallowed everything with an ironic smile and seemed insane on the outside. For reasons unknown to me, my current social status helps create more anger and loss of patience. At some point I stopped caring so long ago.... but apparently my sub-conscience never did. All the immoral selfish acts I have endured from everyone. And given selflesness in return.... and of course gotten more selfish acts in return from these people.

Hate.

Already so many times now, I´ve been so close to snapping and attackin whoever with bare hands or worse.... I am so close. In this state it´s sort of ironic in a fate-sort-of-way that everytime I try to see someone they say that they are busy at best. Usually they just say "Sure, let´s meet" and never be heard from again.... or at least until the current week has passed or so. Or by the very least the day on which we were supposed to meet. I don´t really care too much for that.... or so I thought... as I learned at a very early stage that beautiful individuals are.... how should I put this.... *completely* rotten inside. So what else is new?

Insane Anger.

A great deal of my nightly thinking alone here consists of remembering situations when I should have attacked.... killed.... someone. I will take nothing from anyone anymore by just forgiving silently and being nice. If you get lucky I´ll hate and despise you silently.... *if* you remain silent, or at least won´t bring up a subject that cuts near my reason of feeling anger toward you. This is not toward someone in particular. There are many of you.

All I´ve ever given out to you is morality, support, thoughts, words and physical touch. I never expected much in return, as I am a cynical person. But I would have expected at least some morals and honesty. But no. *No one* of you is capable of even that.

The beautiful irony of everything is that, thanks to your kind, people judge me to be rotten inside as well simply because of the way I apparently look. Hence, I am good. And I am forsaken.