IRC-Galleria

Imagine a world without doubt. Without self pity. A world where everyone is granted the gift of divine wisdom. A world where people are not run by feelings but by reason and causality. Where chance and chaos have little room. Where everything is possible to be known beforehand. How would that be?

It might work for some, and for some it wouldn´t. I can´t deny that people need feeling and passion to create some contrast into their lives. But something is not right here. People don´t, in the end, think. Everytime I fall into being even slightly naiive, and for a moment cease to believe in the most cynical outcome, I am always thinking the wrong way and end up being mistaken. One should doubt. Not believe. But then again if I believe this, don´t I sort get tripped by my own rule?

Perhaps. If you do not take my word for it that I actually think this instead of believing. A philosophy of life is a slightly different thing than believing. This time though, all is not lost. I simply lack the self confidence needed to believe in my chances. One thing I must remember. If I end up falling too hard, and decide to give up, I should do it without making a scene. She hates scenes like that. And my credibility would be gone in her eyes. I am different. You will see. I hope.

You spoke. Now I can think. Now I can give whatever you need that I have. Including time and space. Thank you.

It´s always so nice to be afraid for one´s sanity. I have the odd feeling that once again everything will fall down. Hard. I just wonder if this time the cataclysm of my world could be bothered to drain me dry of blood in the process. "Oh god I´m so alone, so alone!"

None can understand light
Such is the way we think
As eyes blinded by bright
Flash as we don´t blink

I would still like to try
As I am tired of guessing
I often end up as a sigh
Seeking for your blessing

Tell me if there´s anything
If you need me to yield
I want to try something
Even falling to a field

When you need me to take
A bullet going for you
Please, me your shield make
Then I can feel true.

This morning I woke up inhumanly early. It was due to a very odd nightmare. As usual, it involved death. This time, however, the atmosphere was simply breathtaking. The vision was very short as it occured at the end of my dreaming phase. I was in a somewhat classical room for horror. In a house made mostly of old and rusty metal. Chains were hanging from the high ceiling.

My first sight was a piece light brown dead flesh crawling its way forward until it reached two other standing pieces of similiar flesh. I recognized these chunks of dead tissue as humans. The one crawling had no feet below his thighs, no skin and no blood. Very little was left of its face too. It had no recognisable facial features or even eyes for that matter.

It had a pair of hands, with which it crawled its way forward. My line of sight widened then. The two standing humans on either side of the crawling zombie were more intact, although also skinless and they consisted of dead, light brown chunks of dead flesh. They looked basically the same as the crawling zombie, with the exception that these still had their feet on.

There was a zombie dog on either side of the standing figure trying rip a meal out of their dead flesh. Then I recognized one of these standing figures as myself. I had a gun in my hand. It must have been difficult to hold it as most of my fingers had fallen off from the knuckles. And I couldn´t feel anything. I shot the crawling zombie before me in the head. With little effect.

The other standing figure suddenly ran to the door of the building yelling : "Bora!! We´re still alive!!" with a bloodchilling cry that will never escape my mind.Then I had a flashback of a group gone to investigate the place we were in. We must have been a part of that group. I somehow knew the rest of the group had fled after we had "died". I could move very slowly forward as I was thinking this sad fact. Would we end up as mindless and lifeless flesh-eating monsters? For some reason this thought didn´t encourage me much.

The last thing I remember is that I was looking down to my hand. With now all finger lost, I had only five knuckles in my almost transparent hand. It had so little flesh in it, that I could see floor right through it. I remember thinking... "How far can I fall apart? When will I lose my thoughts? Will everything turn to darkness soon, or will I be reduced to a single wiggling teespoon size chunk of rotting, light brown and dead flesh suffering from immobility until the end of time?" I panicced. Then I woke up. Rarely have I felt so disturbed from a nightmare.

This silence is killing me
I feel so lonely and cold
I´m hoping this can´t be
My mind´s balance sold

Please speak, even to yell
My fears creating a fence
My head only a warning bell
And my mind sees omens.

I fear.

I close my eyes and dream
A vision of myself smiling
Of joy I might even scream
With tears my eyes filling

Because I see you there
Your eyes shining bright
I have walked everywhere
Yet never seen such light

I run to you so fast
And you do the same
To each other everlast
We hold like insane

Then I awake in my bed
Seeing you by my side
To hope me you´ve led
To a joy that I can ride

I want you to have all
That I have in myself
You make me stand tall
You, my beautiful elf.

Great many thanks to Granfolm xP

TEHTÄVÄNANTO: Paljastan viisi omituista tapaani/piirrettäni. Tämän jälkeen valitsen seuraavat viisi ihmistä, jotka haastan tekemään saman perästä(paljastamaan viisi outoa tapaansa omaan päiväkirjaansa). Heidän tulee myös kirjoittaa nämä säännöt merkintäänsä. Linkitän haastamani ihmiset tämän merkinnän loppuun ja käyn ilmoittamassa heidän kommenttilaatikkoihinsa haasteesta ja tästä merkinnästä.

1. I tend to poke people all the time with 5,5 cm long metal spikes sticking out from the fingertips of my gloves.

2. About seven out of ten times I have odd dreams of blood, poetic dying, zombies or just plain grotesque dying. Most often I dream of myself dying.

3. I threaten to eat people quite often.

4. I have a tendency of considering myself to be a very mature person and quite often tend to create an insane hate toward immature people. Of course hiding it behind an expressionless face.

5. I can scream. VERY high.

Following five are challenged :

StrigoiMortii
VarjonUni
DirtyHarry
Smeag
PT1

Last weekend, for the first time in a time that feels like an eternity, I woke up in the mornigs feeling... happy. It was an odd but a very welcome feeling. For a change everything is beautiful. And I can smile as I remember the weekend. Now I can open my eyes and see brightness in my line of sight. I thank you.

Tiny people never cease to amaze me with their stupidity.... I was never like that. Why are they? Is it human? Apparently number eight is too difficult to use so we should use number three instead. It´s sort of an alter ego for it. It feels kind of eerie when your hair freezes on your face. It makes an evil crunching sound when you pull it off. It´s safe to say that it´s cold out there. I urge all despicable people go out and drink within the following nights. You´ll have a good chance to make the world a better place.