IRC-Galleria

HOW THE BRITISH MILITARY DEAL WITH SNAKES (parhaat palat)

1. INFANTRY
Tracks snake through jungle. Snake smells them and quickly leaves area, travelling upwind.

2. PARACHUTE REGIMENT
Lands on and kills snake.

3. ROYAL TANK REGIMENT
Runs over snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.

4. ROYAL MARINES
Plays with snake. Gets drunk with snake. Eats snake.

5. COMBAT ENGINEER
Studies snake. Prepares tactical plan for fixing snake using counter-mobility assets and defeating snake using mobility assets. Chain of command pays no attention. Snake falls into hole dug by infantry and drowns.

6. ARMY MEDICAL SERVICES
Snake dies by mistake on operating table. Dissects snake.

7. ROYAL NAVY
Fires 183 missiles from 17 ships. Estimates 60% of snake killed. Makes PowerPoint presentation to MOD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.


8. RAF
Obtains geo-co-ordinates for snake. Alerts 40 Jaguars, 20 Harriers, RAF Regiment. Loads smart missiles, only 13 serviceable aircraft available and only 8 crews have necessary adquals to fly mission profile. One crew ends OP tour after 2 days (reduced commitment) leaving only 7 crews available. Aircraft Red 1 and Red 5 go U/S on the runway leaving 5 aircraft. They fly in at 20,000 feet, but can't find snake to target. (Cloud obscuring target Designator aircraft all grounded (due to ground being available) Drops bombs in sea on way home. Wipes out 85% of marine life in no-fly zone. Home in time for tea and medals.


9. SPECIAL AIR SERVICE
Make contact with snake and, ignoring Foreign Office directives, builds rapport with snake and starts winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes best seller 'Python Two Zero'.

10. ADJUTANT GENERAL'S CORPS
Discovers that snake is not black, female, homosexual or disabled. Loses interest.