IRC-Galleria

Sometimes I've wished you could see the same sunsets as me.
Sometimes I've hoped you were still here to see me, maybe you'd be proud of me.
Sometimes I sigh in relief that you don't have to be here.
I'm glad you didn't have to be here to witness Eddy die. Or Nuppu.
I never would've thought things would escalate or that living would become survival. I never thought I would go through horrific things and get out alive.
Each day of nothingness and begging for something, to see some sort of light in the clouds and to have any direction whatsoever.
But it's been white walls and yellow lights.
It's been many close calls of death and afterwards wondering how I'm even still alive.

I live for nothing.
Not even me.
Not for mom, knowing I was the reason she stayed alive.
Not for you, knowing you would want me to thrive.
It's been for nothing and with nothing.
And yet I long for reason.
A purpose.
There's nothing and I'm still here.
Yet there's everything-

But overall? In the grand scheme of things I shouldn't even be here.