"i remember being 15 and dying to turn 18 so that i could dye my hair blue move to tokyo and study manga....im 19 hair still not blue and studying law....:("
If you have no cell mate, forget the white drugs. Smoke the natural herb and dream of the time when your mate comes to your gate. Then do something conscious with your mate away from the world. I guarantee it will take you away from the hurt for a while to euphoria. And let it all soak in