IRC-Galleria

Folks, IÂ’d like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me, about you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, we donÂ’t know

IÂ’m just a regular Joe, with a regular job
IÂ’m your average white, suburbanite slop
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ainÂ’t enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone elseÂ’s expense
(woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s an asshole)
IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying “how about this heat”

IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s an asshole)
IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s the worldÂ’s biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicap spaces
While handicapped people make handicap faces

IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s an asshole)
IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldnÂ’t be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe theyÂ’re right when they tell me IÂ’m wrong
Nah

IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s an asshole)
IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s the worldÂ’s biggest asshole)

You know what IÂ’m gonna do
IÂ’m gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldora do convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And make brown baby seal lions for head lights (yeah)
And IÂ’m gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonaldÂ’s
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when IÂ’m done sucking down those greeseball burgers
IÂ’m gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then IÂ’m gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ainÂ’t a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because weÂ’ve got the bombs, thatÂ’s why
2 words, nuclear fuckinÂ’ weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tinian Square and it wonÂ’t make a lick of difference
Because weÂ’ve got the bombs, OK?
John WayneÂ’ not dead, heÂ’s frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer
WeÂ’re gonna thaw out the duke and heÂ’s gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why,
Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 50 million times
ThatÂ’s how pissed off the dukeÂ’s gonna be

IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s an asshole)
IÂ’m an asshole (heÂ’s the worldÂ’s biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E

IÂ’m an asshole and IÂ’m proud of it