"Hello, I am Imran's pet fish. I dont really have a name, but most mornings I get referred to as 'little bastard'. My water is oxygen depleted and the surrounding air is filled with exhaled smoke; usually the funny kind. I have to put up with his shitty loud music and the room is badly lit. The lava lamp is annoying, the swirly patterns make me dizzy and I end up bumping my nut on the sides of the bowl :( Imran is a bad owner I hope he dies before me, the cunt."