Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.
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Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.
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Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.
Dr. Wilson: Huh...
Dr. Gregory House: What? You're saying I've only got one friend?
Dr. Wilson: Uh... and... who...?
Dr. Gregory House: Kevin. In bookkeeping.
Dr. Wilson: Okay, well, first of all, his name's Karl...
Dr. Gregory House: I call him Kevin. It's his secret friendship club name.
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Dr. Gregory House: How was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?
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Dr. Gregory House: How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?
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Dr. Gregory House: You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a...
[pauses]
Dr. Gregory House: I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
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Dr. Cameron, Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Robert Chase: [speaking about patient's symptoms] We've got rectal bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: What, all three of you?
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