IRC-Galleria

1. Thinking that we always assume you have a hard on. We know that you canÂ’t flip a switch and get it up just because we say so, but we wish it could. We know it takes a little work, so donÂ’t think weÂ’re so naive.

2. Yah yah we like passionate kisses. DonÂ’t engulf our face with your lips in a fit of passion. We get it, your excited. Just please act a little less like an animal. That is, unless weÂ’re roleplaying.

3. DonÂ’t snooze when weÂ’re all wound up. YOU KNOW we get wound up, itÂ’s not our fault you busted before we did. An eye for an eye. Now get down there. DonÂ’t worry, weÂ’ll tell you what we want and how we want it. We donÂ’t care if youÂ’re tired.

4. WE DO expect you to cuddle, get over it. Just wait till we pass out and you can roll over and do whatever you want. At least try to throw an arm over us, itÂ’s comforting.

5. You think we want to fall asleep in your arms? That shit IS uncomfortable after awhile. Let us snuggle up next to you, and donÂ’t put your arm out unless you want us to fall asleep there. Your fault if you do it, we think you want us to.

6. We donÂ’t always expect roses and candles all the time. Same as we donÂ’t make fucking dinner every night for you to come home to. Girls like a little bit of a bad guyÂ…not Romeo every day. Get over yourselves, weÂ’re not the ladiesin the movies, we donÂ’t want rose petals and bath water running every night after work. WeÂ’re just saying a little romance is always fun.

7. We read Cosmo. Get over it. We donÂ’t knock your sports illustrated.

8. We do not use Cosmo as a sex bible. ItÂ’s funny to read about other womenÂ’s mistakes in bed. Again, we read it. Get over it. Obviously if youÂ’re with a woman and during sex she whips out Cosmo for help, you clearly need to find a new sex partner.

9. DonÂ’t fucking touch our heads during a blowjob. We donÂ’t give a fuck why your pushing it or how hard. Keep your hands off of the head, unless youÂ’re holding up our hair. If she isnÂ’t doing it right, speak up. What if you were down on us and we grabbed you by the hair and shoved your face into our fucking vagina? You would suffocate. Same as we choke. There are other clues, buddy.

10. Missonary is boring. DonÂ’t be afraid to rip us up and flip us over. We want to be handeled rough, but we just think youÂ’re having a great time doing what youÂ’re doing so we donÂ’t stop you.

11. We donÂ’t expect you guys to undress yourself with any amount of grace. Just take off your fucking clothes. WeÂ’ll help, donÂ’t worry. It just looks funny when your shirts stuck on your head. We laugh and think maybe youÂ’re not used to undressing oftenÂ…hmm

12. If you want sex spontaneously, then get over the hairy legs. We donÂ’t shave them everyday. We need some warning. You want pussy? Get over it then, cheif.

13. Most of us trim or shave down there. If not, your shit outta luck buddy. But like with 12, any woman needs a little warning, or youÂ’re gonna have to be a trooper with stubbles.

14. We do NOT assume sex means realtionship unless you do something romantic during. This includes any caressing of the face, or kisses on the forehead, or extreme cuddling. Be careful. We mix signals, but itÂ’s your fault.

15. Sometimes we may withhold oral sex just because weÂ’re on the rag. We want you to suffer too. If youÂ’re a good guy though, chances are, weÂ’ll get out our kneepads and go to town, assuming that when weÂ’re off, youÂ’ll repay the favor. Just donÂ’t ask for a blowjob like an asshole while we have cramps and PMS. ThatÂ’s where you go wronggggg.

16. We’ll tell you what we like. “OUCH” with a smile is, “ouch, but I like it.” Moaning is good. Open your fucking ears guys. Obviously any noises are good. It’s not that difficult.

17. You have a penis, we expect you have condoms. Most woman have them, but they get destoryed in our huge purses. Technically, we should each have one. If weÂ’re fucking at YOUR house, you should have them andddd vice versa.

18. We aren’t offended when you call us your dirty little slut. It’s HOW you say it. We don’t like dirty talk as much as you say.You kinda look like a creep, really. “Who’s your daddy?” We don’t want to picture our dad fucking us. Get out of here. Pick & choose words carefully.

19. Sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun. If youÂ’re fucking someone who wonÂ’t do it in crazy places, then where the hell are you finding these people?

20. We love it half clothed against the wall. We just have to start with the “no, come on…we shouldn’t, not here.” Just start taking off our clothes, we’re game. Granted in 20 min we might not get off, but you can leave and go to work and we’ll finish. We don’t mind starting off your day right, just be ready when you get home. A quickie doesn’t make you clear for the day, fucker.

21. The ass and the vagina are two different things. No means no. Giggles or no giggles, it is not an invitation unless she says yes. If youÂ’re gonna pull that shit, donÂ’t be surprised when our fingers ACCIDENTALLY go in your ass. Come on now.

22. Bras are hard, yah, but get over it. Learn the art. 2 clips, 3 at the most. We can un-do your belt in the heat of the moment, one handed. Step it up. If we see you struggling, weÂ’ll help, but at least try.

23. WeÂ’ll get more comfortables with our bodies during sex. Before, sometimes weÂ’re a little shy, especially if we havenÂ’t had time to shave our legs. Just start to fuck, you can see the goods during.

24. WeÂ’ll get on top, just tell us. Give us some signals when weÂ’re on there that you like it. A girlÂ’s gotta know.

25. If we get that bored look on our face, it means to bust already, damnit. We arenÂ’t trying to do the look, it just happenes. Man, vaginas get sore after rough sex.

26. We ride you, you touch us. Hello, our tits are right there. Show some love. WeÂ’re having too much fun on top to touch ourselves.

27. Chances are most woman wonÂ’t gently take your hand and show you how we like it. This isnÂ’t a porno. YouÂ’re probably doing okay. And for goodness sakes, cut those fucking fingernails.

28. Sometimes we get into bed, get naked, fool around and then decide that we just want to cuddle. Yah, we got you naked in your bed, but somewhere along the line, you said something wrong or messed up. If you had good game, this wouldnÂ’t happen. Sorry.

29. Not calling shots. Be a man. Yah you expect us to say all this crazy and dirty shit, but weÂ’d rather, really, take a few orders from you.

30. If we feel like it, weÂ’ll crawl across the bed to you on all fours, push you down and crawl on top, donÂ’t worry. DonÂ’t ask us to.

31. Woman have other things that liked to be licked and touches besides our cunt and tits. Move around, use those big man hands of yours, too.

32. Balls are weird. If youÂ’re with a girl who knows what sheÂ’s doing, sheÂ’ll play with them though. Seriously, we know that they are there. DonÂ’t think weÂ’re gonna have a field day with them, though.

33. Get us off. Finish the job. You started, now finish.

34. Titty fucking sucks for us. If weÂ’re in a good mood, weÂ’ll do it, and enjoy the view of you. Just donÂ’t make it a habitual thing.

35. Doing it against the wall gives us a bruise on our shoulder, yah, and we look at it later and giggle at the memory. So donÂ’t be mad when we bite you for shoving us against the corner of the table, for example. Double standard.

36. Making love and having sex are two different things, so IÂ’m not even gonna go there.

37. Sex is funny. Actually itÂ’s hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. ItÂ’s how you deal with it that really matters. WeÂ’re gonna laugh if something tickles, or if the condom shoots off. ItÂ’s akward, itÂ’s funny. Relax.

38. Yah you can bring up the 3some dealÂ…just donÂ’t ask with our cousin or best friend. Like really, it looks like you just an excuse to fuck one of our girls. Fix your approach, Mr. Charming.

39. Sometimes weÂ’re gonna stop a blowjob and go grab a water. Play with yourself. WeÂ’ll be back. DonÂ’t get mad, itÂ’s for the sake of the cotton mouth we have aquired.

40. Nails. Already brought up. We wonÂ’t snag your goods with ours, if you donÂ’t rip the inside of our vagina with yours.

41. We donÂ’t bitch when we get jizz on us. Just gives a fucking warning. Jizz in the hair after a quickie on your way out of the house is a good reason to get mad. Speak out killer, weÂ’ll embrace it if itÂ’s appropriate. Yayayaa protein and all that shit, we know, shut up. ItÂ’s messy.

42. Boys, make noises. If we know you like something, not only will we keep doing it, but weÂ’re turned on knowing youÂ’re turned on.

43. Faking orgasms. Sometimes we want it over with. Sometimes we just wonÂ’t orgasm. We donÂ’t want to crush your ego.

44. If youÂ’ve played a sport/sweaty, your fucking balls smell. Sorry, they do. Wash yourself. Shit, letÂ’s both take a shower. Just donÂ’t come home from baseball practice and demand a blowjob.

45. We know “just the tip”. If we say we’ll play, that means we know we’re fucking. We aren’t that stupid. You aren’t that smart. Get the hint.

46. Sometimes we donÂ’t want to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things not because of our Egyptian cotton sheets, just because we donÂ’t want to. ItÂ’s fun, but itÂ’s not all itÂ’s cracked out to be, although weÂ’re sure you have a blast.

47. Take off your pants. Take off your boxers. We want to see your good looking body. There is nothing more degrading to a woman than getting fucked by a guy with his cock through his fucking boxers. What are you afraid to show? Is one ball bigger than the other? Come on.

48. If your jizz is all over our pillows, donÂ’t get mad when we throw them in the wash. We just donÂ’t want to sleep in a pillow full of jizz, sorry. Most likely weÂ’ll wait till the morning, unless youÂ’ve really made a mess. Girls like things clean.

49. We think it’s crazy if you get soft. TELL US what to do to help, cause we think it’s our fault, which leads to the roll over and the “forget it”. We wanna know why it happenes, cause hey, it never happens to us. Elaborate a little. We’ll do our best to get you going. This is a team effort after all.

50. Let us know how it was afterwards, then you can piss and pass out. ThatÂ’s all we want to talk about, trust us.
That is all.

1. When weÂ’re watching our favorite show, donÂ’t try to distract us, make fun of the show, or make fun of how much we like the show. We probably know its lame, but we still watch. You have sports; we have our shows.

2. We like when you cook for us, it doesnÂ’t have to be anything fancy, just food we arenÂ’t picky itÂ’s the thought that counts. If you absolutely canÂ’t cook at all, get take out and set it up somewhat nicely.

3. Go to the gymÂ…those pelvic muscles are insanely hot! The beer belly is not!

4. DonÂ’t compare us to your ex-girlfriends; we arenÂ’t them.

5. Open doors for us, we like our men to be gentlemen, bring chivalry back!

6. Just because we donÂ’t say thank you every time you do something, doesnÂ’t mean we donÂ’t appreciate every little thing you do. The little things usually mean more than anything else.

7. Flowers donÂ’t always make up for mistakes, but we love to get them when we least expect it.

8. We love to take pictures and when we want to take several itÂ’s because we want cute ones of you or us to show off to other people.

9. When we want a girlsÂ’ night out, donÂ’t be mad or think we are going out to look for other guys. We need our girlsÂ’ night as much as you guys need your guysÂ’ night.

10. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why canÂ’t you aim in the toilet and not on it.

11. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.

12. We donÂ’t shave our legs everyday, get over it.

13. When you kiss us we donÂ’t like to feel like we are making out with a dog so donÂ’t slobber on our face.

14. DonÂ’t ever lie to us; we will always find out.

15. DonÂ’t tell us who is hot because we donÂ’t care.

16. We shouldnÂ’t have to plan everything, we like surprises, a little spontaneity goes a long way!

17. WeÂ’re not always girly girls; we can like boy stuff too.

18. DO NOT act different or be a jerk around your friends. It will get you in the endÂ… (We remember these types of things)

19. DonÂ’t always expect us to call you. The phone works both ways!

20. No matter if weÂ’re fat or not, most girls arenÂ’t as self-confident as guys! And we need to be complimented as often as possible!

21. Being drunk is not an excuse for ANY of your actions.

22. Do not brag to your friendsÂ…unless you want us to discuss with the girls how small your penis is.

23. Walks in the rain, kisses on the forehead, and cooking dinner for us will get you everywhere.

24. If youÂ’re developing such good finger skills playing video games, you better put them to good use sometimes.

25. Anything you do or say to another girl that you wouldnÂ’t want us to know about is considered cheating.

26. If you refuse to dance, expect us to dance with other guysÂ…and lots of them.

27. We donÂ’t always expect you to pay for us, but it doesnÂ’t hurt to at least offer every once in a while

28. Foreplay isnÂ’t something we should have to ask forÂ…itÂ’s a prerequisite

29. No girl just wants to be your “friend with benefits.”

30. We reserve the right to hate all of your ex-girlfriends

31. Think before you speakÂ…itÂ’ll make a world of difference

32. DonÂ’t screw us overÂ…especially if we have an older brother or protective guy friendsÂ…they will hunt you down and kill you

33. Just because we’re still just “hanging out” doesn’t make it ok to sleep with your ex-girlfriend

34. We arenÂ’t asking for you to spill your heart, but some information about whatÂ’s going on in that head of yours, is nice every once in a while.

35. DonÂ’t complain on how long it takes us to get ready and then moan about how we always used to get dolled up for you and now we donÂ’t anymore.

36. No backseat drivers, none!

37. If you hold our hand while you are driving we will be thoroughly impressedÂ…especially if itÂ’s a stick.

38. The ability to play the guitar will help your COGL.

39. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).

40. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometimes . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!

41. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isnÂ’t right.

42. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to . . . YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG

43. Your way is not always the right way. Learn to say- “I was wrong”

44. If we canÂ’t talk to you during a football game, then donÂ’t try to get our attention during GreyÂ’s Anatomy

45. We have other friends of the male gender. Just because we have guy friends doesnÂ’t mean we are sleeping with them or think they are attractive,sometimes itÂ’s nice to have a guys perspective on things! So leave your jealousy at the door!

46. Remember actions speak louder than words.

47. Unless youÂ’re Dale Earnhardt Jr., weÂ’re just as capable to drive as you are.

48. We donÂ’t mind being DD (designated driver) as long as youÂ’re not the DD (designated drunk) every night of the week, and you occasionally return the favor.

49. Patience is a virtue; we know what weÂ’re doing.

50. Despite the fact that most of you will get mad and completely ignore what weÂ’re trying to tell you on this list, weÂ’ll still love you anyways. Probably not as much, but we gotta keep the species going right?

51. DonÂ’t act hard around your friends because I wonÂ’t make you hard tonight.

52. “Wife Beaters” are not an adequate form of fashion.

53. If we wanted to be on video tape, weÂ’d be a porn star not your girlfriend.

54. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays

55. DonÂ’t say you love me if you donÂ’t mean it.

56. If you donÂ’t act like soap-opera guys, donÂ’t expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.

57. Just because you L the C doesnÂ’t mean we have to S the D. If you don't know what the letters mean... you will when you're older.

58. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.

59. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didnÂ’t think so.

60. When you see a girl with huge knockers, do not go “Damn!” and then laugh appreciatively to yourself - we can hear you.

61. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you.

62. Guys in uniform are hot, no lie, sometimes almost better than when you take them off.

63. When we are through, dont pretend like its okay to call whenever you want and make everything seem fine, especially if you caused the relationship to end. And, dont tell us about your other girlfriends or girls you met because if your trying to make us jealous, ur a lowlife.

64. If we say no once, we mean it, donÂ’t ask again and again. No means NO!