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51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a ‘grand entry.’

52. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.

53. Throw him a ‘Carebears’-themed birthday party.

54. Tell him what SnapeÂ’s really up to.

55. Politely exclaim now and again that you donÂ’t know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.

56. Sing ‘California Dreamin’ at the top of your lungs when he’s trying to have an ‘evil moment.’

57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.

58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.

59. Work cutesy phrases like ‘pushing-up-daisies’ and ’smooth-as-a-baby’s-bottom’ into conversation as much as possible.

60. Ask him if he’s sure ‘the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn’t getting a bit old?’

61. Get him to play ‘Twister’ with you.

62. Tell him you know this great therapist in LondonÂ….

63. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.

64. Tell him youÂ’ve met plenty of people more evil than he.

65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.

66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesnÂ’t water it and it dies.

67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.

68. Tell him Lucius did it.

69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.

70. Remind him that he isnÂ’t even really alive.

71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy ‘to the cause.’

73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include ‘The Ugly Duckling.’

74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

75. When he’s done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say ‘Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?’