Chandler: [entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo] All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.
Chandler: I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y... I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?
Joey: I hate Pottery barn too! They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed.
Chandler: You took off your pants and cimbed under the sheets!
[Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
Joey: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider.
[takes a glass from the fridge]
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: [drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge] Yep, it's fat. I drank fat.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.
[Upon hearing Ross practicing the bagpipe for their wedding]
Monica: Why must your family be Scottish?
Chandler: Why must your family be *Ross*?
<3