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Just yesterday I found out that my beloved band Bleak broke apart and today my friend told me that Caleb is continuing his work in band called Flamer :P
Juhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

yaaay :P
I was so happy, but then it suddenly change and mom almost fainted, or she was for a second unconscious and God, I'm still trembling so much even though everything is okey now, but hey, why life is so strange. Why we all can't just living and not almost dying!
Ahhh, I really need hug but as usual, I have to be strong, I'm here just on my own... sadly.

and where is my angel waiting? :)
Good news, mom will may come back home this week (Kiitos Jumala!) and then my life might get a little bit back to normal.
Anyway, how should I convince myself to work hard for something which I might won't get? Which will never be released, never come true? Yeah it is an obstacle and we are here to cross over them but how, why, what, give me some help. Why am I here all alone for this all? I know, sure I have my family but right now I just have some remains of family, no contact with real world, school, work, anything. Almost like living in vacuum, but still I wouldn't say I'm just surviving and not living, I know I'm living and am grateful for it, but just need more than this... please!

with me :(
On Friday there was a gig of Negative in Prague, I couldn't go after all but anyway, I don't regret even though people say it was fantastic, I'm glad I didn't go.
But it's the matter that I don't want to go to concerts anymore.... and it's sad because it used to be the only place, where I could somehow free myself.
Okey, seems like I have to accept this new myself, but actually it means for me a sign of adulthood which I really hate, I'd rather be a kid for a while.

... I found this old message from MySpace which wrote my friend after the gig of KWAN in Paalamo in February 2007:

I saw your friend @ the gig
she was filming the whole time
i heard she was asking 4 me after the gig
but i was in the middle od a poker tournamet final
Yes, I was about to win big bucks
i tried to catch her later but she'd allready left
tell her Im sorry...
didnt meen to neglect her...

As my friend would tell me: "Aky zlaty!" :D and I agree :D

I've just watched this movie and it's really heart-breaking story of life.
For me much more now, when I lost my own dog recently (God, I've longed for him like 5 years almost everyday I asked and begged my mom to buy me a dog and then my uncle gave me one).
Really nice movie :)

Woah, yesterday I was in Prague again to visit my mom in hospital.
The journey was fine, nothing strange.
But then in Prague it was stressful.
I had to buy some things, I almost forgot the bus ticket which I paid for :D
I had lovely time with my mom and her physiotherapeut who was really amusing and nice (and my age!!! :D).
And plus I met with Ville yaaaay, was nice seeing him after so long, I even got an unexpectful kiss (of course just into my hair, what did You expect, huh? :D)
And then back home, I was stuck for 4 hours on motorway because of the collision of 5 trucks and 6 cars...... But at midnight I was home :D yaay

Awww... at least somebody makes me happy today, my love, my band :)
They put their new album on their MySpace
http://music.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.popupplayer&sindex=-1.0&shuffle=false&amix=false&pmix=false&plid=22878&artid=7128815&profid=52189890&friendid=52189890&sseed=0&ptype=3&stime=9.586&ap=1

they are sweethearts!!! xxx

PS: The album title means "God is our protector"???

je pííííííííííííííííííííííííííííp, už jsem to někam musela napsat, ona vážně neví, jak už by mi ten život vokořenila, hlavně že vona bude mít klidnou dušičku, že
kráva jedna
no nic, myslet pozitivně, sice nezaplatím prachy za lyžák, ale vysolím tolik nebo možná i víc za týden v Hradcu, no proč by to mělo jít jednoduše, že :D

I like the new album but it's not like when Kehä was released, it's not so different and strong like the previous album and I understand.
My favourite song is Pyörät but I simply can't say why, I don't know at all, maybe it's because it's so calming, relaxing. I'm imagining sitting at the shore of a lake, watching sunset and forest around and listening to bird's singing :) Idyllic :D

edit: kuinka kääntää voisin askeleet
kieltää kaikki mun lupaukset
hyvästellä Tammela ja muut
ketä kaikesta syyttäisin
mut turha selittää

yeah, I like it especially because of this part and naming Tammela (where I have spent lots of time, theoretically while writing my essay)

edit2: I can't get rid of a feeling, that the song Pyörät reminds me of Krystof's song Moře v Hoře (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkWAWZB9g8U) and Loppuun asti of Aleš Brichta's song Barák na vodstřel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZEwqU1sCXY)