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This is strange, I completed my Negative discography, laughed my... over the song Something (but from the The Moment Of Our Love single) which has a really looovely surprise and since then I have a constant smile on my face but also in my heart which is 'worse' 'cos like this I won't be able to fall asleep :D
But what is really strange, is that I usually get this mood when I'm looking forward to Helsinki, I've actually never experienced it in Czech O.o
Anteeks, I'm just me :D

PS: I really didn't have any spirit drink, no alkohol, I swear, heh I know my friends know me pretty well to understand that I sometimes laugh even without reason lol

The album of Negative. I just found out I had a booklet of it, original one with original signs of all members even Nakki, who wasn't in the band at that time :D It was hilarious to find it out :D

Today was amazing, meeting with my best friend Peťa is always so releaving, so I invited her and her boyfriend to celebrate my birthday in November in Helsinki on Kaivonkatu 3, hehe I guess this address doesn't exist, but hei, I can make a street sign and when they come, I will show them that it really exists :D

And I found out funny thing, in almost 3 weeks I have to have my fina thesis done in book and CD :D And I thought it's for May :D :D :D So nex week I'm writing it down, I won't be here probably much.

I'm just watching Negative DVD In the eye of the hurricane and found out one thing.
You know how everyone thinks that they know what the word 'fuck' means? But have You ever thought about it a bit more? Because I got a solution that it can also means (but actually only in Czech): "FU Cestovní Kancelář" (FU is the name of CK which is a travel agency in czech) :D
Sorry, my mind is somehow freaky today :P

Just yesterday I found out that my beloved band Bleak broke apart and today my friend told me that Caleb is continuing his work in band called Flamer :P
Juhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

yaaay :P
I was so happy, but then it suddenly change and mom almost fainted, or she was for a second unconscious and God, I'm still trembling so much even though everything is okey now, but hey, why life is so strange. Why we all can't just living and not almost dying!
Ahhh, I really need hug but as usual, I have to be strong, I'm here just on my own... sadly.

and where is my angel waiting? :)
Good news, mom will may come back home this week (Kiitos Jumala!) and then my life might get a little bit back to normal.
Anyway, how should I convince myself to work hard for something which I might won't get? Which will never be released, never come true? Yeah it is an obstacle and we are here to cross over them but how, why, what, give me some help. Why am I here all alone for this all? I know, sure I have my family but right now I just have some remains of family, no contact with real world, school, work, anything. Almost like living in vacuum, but still I wouldn't say I'm just surviving and not living, I know I'm living and am grateful for it, but just need more than this... please!

with me :(
On Friday there was a gig of Negative in Prague, I couldn't go after all but anyway, I don't regret even though people say it was fantastic, I'm glad I didn't go.
But it's the matter that I don't want to go to concerts anymore.... and it's sad because it used to be the only place, where I could somehow free myself.
Okey, seems like I have to accept this new myself, but actually it means for me a sign of adulthood which I really hate, I'd rather be a kid for a while.

... I found this old message from MySpace which wrote my friend after the gig of KWAN in Paalamo in February 2007:

I saw your friend @ the gig
she was filming the whole time
i heard she was asking 4 me after the gig
but i was in the middle od a poker tournamet final
Yes, I was about to win big bucks
i tried to catch her later but she'd allready left
tell her Im sorry...
didnt meen to neglect her...

As my friend would tell me: "Aky zlaty!" :D and I agree :D

I've just watched this movie and it's really heart-breaking story of life.
For me much more now, when I lost my own dog recently (God, I've longed for him like 5 years almost everyday I asked and begged my mom to buy me a dog and then my uncle gave me one).
Really nice movie :)

Woah, yesterday I was in Prague again to visit my mom in hospital.
The journey was fine, nothing strange.
But then in Prague it was stressful.
I had to buy some things, I almost forgot the bus ticket which I paid for :D
I had lovely time with my mom and her physiotherapeut who was really amusing and nice (and my age!!! :D).
And plus I met with Ville yaaaay, was nice seeing him after so long, I even got an unexpectful kiss (of course just into my hair, what did You expect, huh? :D)
And then back home, I was stuck for 4 hours on motorway because of the collision of 5 trucks and 6 cars...... But at midnight I was home :D yaay