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Well, it's so weird. Few days back I had a dream with Chester Bennington, the vocalist of Linkin Park. I dunno why, maybe it was due to the song Valentine's day. But we were so close with our faces but couldn't see each others eyes, but I could easily feel how much he was desperate and it made me feel so down. You could feel how the pain was killing him and it was slightly breaking me into pieces either. But he came for a hug, for comfort and I hope it worked out, but I dunno, I woke up from that dream. Then another weird one came. My parents were cleaning under my bed (actually I have a new one for like 2 months) and they found there a 'lil puppy. It was alive what was weirdest because it had to live there for at least 20 years without food or anything, just on that one spot, unnoticed!!! O.o

And tonight... shall I even mention it, another dream with Ville in one week :(
It was stupid, we just had an English lesson but our teacher was ill. So Ville (Spaniard) was teaching us so we opened our exercise books of ... Finnish (Czech book for beginners)!!! And started to read. Nobody could understand because noone (also Ville himself) can't speak Finnish, but they were translating it and one class mate answered for Ville's question in German???? WTF
Then Ville asked if anyone is going for holiday to abroad and pointed at one class mate where he's going to go for holiday and he said not to a foreign country but Ville didn't ask me, because he already knew.

The dream wasn't that bad, I woke up immediately after that and ... I felt a bit like dying. Letting him go is quite hard for me, I like it or not but soon he'll be gone and there will be no mention about him, no msg from him, NOTHING!
I've never learnt to let go and I still can't learn. I always put everything into relationships of any kind and it's pretty hard for me to get over it if there is an end (and it's always unfortunately). It always takes me an ocean of time to recover from that sadness but anyway, soon I will run away again, like in February but it was different, I came back and he was here but now, he will be GONE FOREVER! ,-(

http://www.valio.fi/kidius/
go at the bottom for Talo and click there on Hiiri, it's so damn funny esp. when tehy say "Roooock'n'rollllll" :D :D :D

2 dreams:

last week's one:
I was in Hradec Králové (my study city as I use to say) with my Finnish family and Viivi (the oldest girl) came to me with an apology in her face that she knows she behaves horrible (she meant those annoying kids behaviour when they scream and it seems it never stops, but it's childish so) and that I don't love her and I was trying to comfort her that's not true because even in real I really like her, she is really great (as every child) and then we started to stare at the night sky, full of stars and also airplanes. And as you can see those 'dust lines' behind the planes when it's day, you could see them also in the night (weird). And suddenly one of the planes started to loose its engines and me and Viivi looked at each other and said something like "oo". Then the plane exploded and fell down just few metres from us.
..... I hope it's not connected with my flight on the 13th of June

and then I was with my friend and Paula Vesala (PMMP) in front of some Turkish restaurant in Helsinki and were talking about everything like we would be great friends, actually we just have met on the street and that was all.
..... have no clue why she was in my dream, maybe because of the news that Aki Hakala (TR) will be father what I'm really happy about (as my mom says: "Maybe even more than Aki himself" :D)

today's one:
I was again in Helsinki, I can't remember everything but Verča (SomeoneElse) was there and she was a daughter of my Finnish family and she gave me some advices (she didn't live with the family anymore as she was like 20 years older than the other kids) and I only saw some parts of Helsinki.

But long time ago I dreamt I was in Helsinki and watched them from the air, like I'd have wings. And other time I was again in Helsinki and I've met a czech family who lives there and I was so damn glad, but the streets I was walking looked like "Myší díra" in Brno (near railway station, really crowded). And the family, I was talking with their mom, she was an ambassador or sth like that and invited me to their home but they didn't gave me the address and I was thinking: "Oh, it will be no problem, the only one czech family in Helsinki won't be difficult to find!" and I kept on going the streets to the coast.

It's sometimes really amazing when I dream about Helsinki, no other place in the whole universe but them and I was really freaked out while watching the Eurovision final, there were lots of well-known places for me and Mikko Leppilamppi (lepí lampy) and APOCALYPTICA... even when my friend from school gave me his pics of Helsinki and there was one pic in front of Kamppi, they were playing beach-volleyball and it's really crowded and there is not even a tiny sign of Kamppi, just because I know that place so well, I recognized it and was freaky, I know, it's maybe scary but for my friend it was just a place, nice place but nothing special, for me, I dunno, really don't wanna judge it what I feel for Helsinki (because not everyone would agree, that's for sure). But I'm thankful for my passion for this city even though it might be scary for people who doesn't know about it (it's enough even a word about Finland, Finnish, Finn, whatever starting with Fin... and I'm fully concentrated what it will be about... it's insanity :D

yeah, I'm back in so called 'home' but I really feel like a stranger here
Czech is simply my home only on my ID card and on the map and other documents, not in my heart, mind, soul...
but still I do have home, yeah, I couldn't wish for a better one, only if I could live there forever

I'm sitting in front of my window and like many times this month, staring into the streets and watching like the snowflakes are falling from the skies
I've already packed my luggage but still so many things left to be packed on Thursday
listening to Entwine's 'Closer' makes me feel the sadness that everything's over
well, it's not like that, just the part of my life here and not for ever, just few months, maybe a year and I'll be back

when I've been here in September, I left here my soul and my heart like in November 2oo5, but this time it was much more, because I just couldn't get along the thought of living in Hradec Králové
then one man came and brought back my heart from Finland to Hradec Králové (Czech) but my soul stayed here, therefor my heart wanted to go where my soul was
that's why I'm here but this time, I do know, I will leave here both, my soul, my heart, and my life

I just had the best time of my life here and I wanna thank everyone who gave me this opportunity, I really appreciate it, maybe I do not even deserve it but hope everyone will sooner or later live their dream as I could

ROCKED!

I wanted Lovex to win and Jann Wilde & Rose Avenue to be in the top 3 but it was all different.
But I don't have to regret 'cos I've voted and maybe it's better that Lovex didn't win... yet, it was I think too much in hurry, to be in Eurovision.
But I voted for Lovex because their song was most catchy I think. Thunderstone was really good, but I didn't like their attitude and their hairstyle lol Just too old for voting audience, I mean those young ladies. For them Lovex was perfect, good looking guys with a good catchy song, this song, the chorus just stucked in my mind but I couldn't get the rest of the words, so it means the song was not so easy to 'read', and that means I wouldn't stop listening to it after 3 times. But Hanna Pakarinen song, it was for me too simple, even though I like some of her songs and her voice.
It was catchy but on the contrary to Lovex Anyone, Anymore, it was too transparent that I would have enough of listening to that song Leave me alone after few times which is not good.
Everything bad has something good in it, so let's see. Lovex will go to Europe anyway, with or without Eurovision and it was a very good advertisement for them anyway.

Hehe what about Finnish Idols? That Ruslanas or what is his name, hihi, have to always smile when see him.

totally rocks, check them if you never done it before!

Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely
now I can't let go of this dream
can't believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
its been such a long time coming, but I feel good

and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
pour real life down on me
cause I can't hold on to anything this good
enough
am I good enough
for you to love me too?

so take care what you ask of me
cause I can't say no

---

dedicated to G. J.
except the chorus, it perfectly fits