IRC-Galleria

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4pcY7GC4Ww&eurl=


The Scenario:


A Hungarian “student” named Anita (who looks suspiciously like a stripper) has moved to America to learn English (from a professor who looks suspiciously like a porn star). In introducing her to the country, the “professor” warns Anita about the unbelievably dangerous “garter snakes” in the area. Naturally, Anita is attacked by one a few seconds later, prompting the “professor” to punch it in the face and save the day. He then offers to show Anita a different, less scary snake, presumably his penis, which she then (presumably) wrestles to the ground and punches in the face1.


Why It DoesnÂ’t Work:


You werenÂ’t hired for your awesome fighting skills, nor for your superb acting skills. You were hired to bang a chick on camera. YouÂ’re not Sly, youÂ’re not ArnoldÂ… hell, youÂ’re barely Van Damme. Leave the action sequences to the professionals and start boning already.

Also, if youÂ’re pretending that garter snakes are venomous python-sized monsters that drop out of trees to attack poor, defenseless Hungarian porn stars, then why in the name of God would you want to WRESTLE one? Furthermore, do snake experts typically advocate the use of elbow drops when dealing with venomous python-sized monsters? I think not.

And while I’m at it, why in the name of God is this foreign exchange student from Hungary studying English by aimlessly wandering around in a Los Angeles backyard? Is this supposed to be some sort of specialized immersion program where students live with (and get boned by) their professors, and if so, where can I sign up to “teach”?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdf_LQ2XcHg&eurl=


The Scenario:


When two young women decide to beat the summer heat by playing frisbee - makes sense already, right? - they accidentally knock a male jogger unconscious. Afraid they’re going to get in trouble of some sort, they drag the unconscious man to a house and discuss how they’re going to “get rid of the body.” Then, to everyone’s surprise, the man wakes up, one of the girls reveals that she can’t go to jail because she’s “only a teenager,” and then they all have sex with each other.


Why It DoesnÂ’t Work:


The vast majority of of all pornos begin and end on private property. Know why? Because it’s legal to have sex there. Starting a scene off in a public park might seem like a good idea on paper, but as a porn director you need to do some preparation: Can you get permits to film people fucking in the middle of a park? (No.) How are you going to get them from the park (where they can’t have sex) to a couch (where they can)? If your answer is “They’ll hit him in the head with a frisbee, drag his unconscious body to a house, and then fuck him to make sure he doesn’t press charges,” then congratulations: You have what it takes to be a porn director.

Are you familiar with OccamÂ’s Razor? Well it applies to porn, too, and the simplest plot is probably the best one. That being said, if it takes more than a sentence or two to explain why a threesome is about to happen IN A PORNOGRAPHIC FILM then, well, youÂ’re probably doing something wrong - doubly so if that explanation involves lawsuits and disposing of a corpse. (Unless youÂ’re into that sort of thing.)

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlrfz9yQwzY&eurl=

The Scenario:
An intimate moment between a young couple is spoiledÂ… by brain cancer.

Why It DoesnÂ’t Work:
Because brain cancer is the opposite of a boner.

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