IRC-Galleria

I'm really very very VERY tired.. Why do I have to be the one who always stays awake when the others fall asleep? It's not that I'm complaining about someone else- I'm complaining about myself: I just won't sleep if I know the others are tired and need it. I need it, too, but I will still stay somehow awake (something I called "standby state" last night- basically sleeping with the eyes open). It's the feeling that I have to watch out while the others sleep. Even now when I'm sitting here in the hotel room (over the last two nights slept some 4 hours in total, with the two ngihts and days before spent in stress of leaving and sleepign 4 hours/day) and I could just close my eyes for a second and fall asleep- while mum is sleeping I just won't go to sleep. I feel I must stay awake and and wake her up so that we don't miss the gig tonight..
..and the eyelids are so heavy..
That was the reason why I played the billiard so badly last night- I was so tired that I couldn't hold the billiard cue tight enough to keep it in direction. 2 in the morning, having drunk three coffees within 3 hours (considering the fact that I usually don't drink coffee at all), tired as hell.. Knowing I was not going to sleep for another two nights. That was a really deep level of desperation..
I can't even keep on writing any more.. So then just a shower, then the gig (have to stay concentrated because of the press pass- if I didn't have to write a report about it, I wouldn't have to give a sh*t) and then.. I will see.. Probably bed, bed, BED! And no, I don't wanna go and see the host family wih mum tomorrow!! I don't care!! I just wanna have a rest, please.. :-(

Hiiiiiiii, good news of the day:

Manzana supporting Entwine at Klubi/Tre!! :-)

OK, apart from this, what gets me a bit depressed is the fact that I probably won't be able to see Lovex at On The Rocks (or where in Hki they're playing). And I'm actually finding out that I'm even missing White Flame on stage.. I'm really looking forward to the acoustic gig at Kustaa.

I guess I'll hide my age here on IRC. It's frustrating to see how I'm growing old.. :D But still doorkeepers and people like that won't even believe I'm over 18.. :-/

Alright, I have definitely underestimated the MS leadership. I've got the press pass. Hiiiiiiiii :D
I'm totally happy. Now I can get my 37e back. Which makes a hell of a difference.
A bad thing is that the only hostel in Tre that I have been able to reach is fully booked. I'll try the other two on the phone tomorrow. I don't like talking on the phone, but what can I do then.. Mum suggests we can try just to come there and ask for a free room, but I'm not sure. I don't give anything for two phone calls (OK, except for a lot of money, but they're not mine, so whatever.. Should it be used or left to expire?). I will be seriously in a deep sh*t when I find out that the other hostels are full, too, then I don't know what I will do.. I'll have to see. Of course, I can always ask the host family if we can stay there one night more (it would be far cheaper than the hostel), but I wouldn't like that. It's uncomfortable and I would feel like bothering them..
Alright. Please, someone slap me now. I will only take the phone numbers and leave everything for tomorrow. First I will sort this out and THEN if it doesn't work out, I will be thinking about something else.
I'm looking forward to meeting Simča tomorrow. I haven't seen her for months. And again there will be a lot of Finlandia.. Actually Koskenkorva as well, for a change from last year (pre-Christmas party when 2 bottles of vodka went to three people and I was drunk like a fish). But it was great x)
And I have a lot of music for her, I have to burn it on something.. And since the DVD maker is out of service, I guess it will take several CD's. Whatever, there are plenty of them at home. I'd only need to get the DVD maker run again, because I need to get all the videos and stuff out of my laptop, it's getting full..
Stop for now. If I let my thoughts out, I'd have to write a roman here, which I don't want.

The MS boss still hasn't sent me the money for November. I'm getting pissed off. It's 3e, but at least it covers the account fees, since i have no other money there. I'm wondering what I will do now.. I guess if the money is not there by tomorrow, I'll ask about it. What the hell is the problem about it?
The whole MS just pisses me off.

And I'm wondering why I tend to write about money here all the time.. Interesting how different blogs leadme to write about different things: on my home one I tend to write about the family and my plans, here I write about money and gigs and complain about MS.. On DA I actually ahven't written anything for ages, but since it's DA, it's always connected to art.. On the english blog I wrote about my feelings, but since I'm not putting them anywhere anymore, it's quite about to close up.

Huh, I know I still have 9 days left at home, but still it feels like I'm going back way too soon.. I don't like this Christmas hassle (and when it comes what I don't like, I totally hate people writing X-mas), I want it to be over.. And all the obligatory family visits etc. etc..

I seem to have some bad life period now. A few months ago whatever I touched, worked out. Now whatever I touch, breaks down. It actually seems that everything around me is breaking down, even without my help.. Rollercoaster life. When it comes to my personal feelings, it actually seems going back upwards. But there's still the chance that things around me are still not gonna accept that, but they should. At least I think that they should. But I will have to figure out after I get back to the work routine. And generally when everything gets back to it's routine, at this moment it's pointless to think about anything..

What pisses me off is that I've realise that some of my favourite songs have SUCH suitable lyrics, that I can barely listen to them any more.. Sometimes I don't like the way my mind faces stress. And sometimes I don't like how much time it takes her to make up her mind (talking about MS). Nah, when it comes to MS I suppose I will stay until May or so, so that I can give it another try about the interviews. As far as I can see now it's my only chance for a decent promotion.. I'd really wish for something better than just blogs this time.. :-(

I want summer. One like last one.

And I would REALLY like to know why the hell my e-mail to the hostel cannot be delivered. I have NO OTHER chance to book anything and I really don't wanna end up having nowhere to sleep. Damn.
Sometimes I hate organising things.. :-(

OK, one thing to be optimistic about- I LOVE my new haircut :-)

Right. I guess I should go to bed..

Yeeeeeeeeeeeess!! They're paying me even the week off, yay! "I think we will pay you the whole month, even though you're not here the one week, but it doesn't matter, because you do your job so well that you deserve it." :-) Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! :-)
So, next two steps: to check my account if money for this week have arrived and then buy the strapshirt and CD x))

Edit: Yep yep, the account says +131,35e, which means strapshirt and CD AND credit as well. I love this family :D x))

I should write a lot for MS this month.. The reasons:
http://www.fanzone.fi/entwine/productinfo.cfm?tuotenumero=195758&lang=en and
http://www.fanzone.fi/entwine/productinfo.cfm?tuotenumero=199783&lang=en

I could actually afford them as my 'Christmas present' from the grandparents, but then there's no money left for phone credit.. I know I don't necessarily need 30e credit, but getting 30e plus another 30e extra for that.. That doesn't happen often.. I don't know.. Maybe I could ask for it as a Christmas present for mum.. Kind of vague as a present, but what can I do.. I know I wouldn't have to care about credit for a year, but still- give 30e at a time is just quite too much..
So far I should have 380kc from MS and for the strapshirt and CD I need.. Some 1300kc.. Hm. I could get 150 for the HIM report. And if the boss gets me the press pass (which I REALLY don't believe in), I'd be happy. OK, then only to find someone who would buy my ticket. Saving or not saving 37e makes a hell of a difference. I've already wasted 20e for a Lovex ticket because of one silly little girl, who promised me to buy it from me and on the gig day simply came to me and with a smile saying she'd got it herself already. And totally not understanding why I was pissed off.
Well, everything would be pretty much sorted out if the host family paid me also the week that I'm not with them (quite weird and I can't remember anything like that from the contract, but well, why not, right?), but I probably won't know until the money appear on my account. Or not.
..
Over the last two nights I slept surprisingly well. Or at least I can't remember any nightmares or waking up in the middle of the night. Just last night the mobile phone kept waking me up, the f*cking operator really has to count sent messages at three in the morning. :-/
..
And tomorrow home!! :-)

Hiiiiiii x)) I love my host-grandparents!! :D I just got a Christmas present- 40euros with "Buy what you like" x)) That will get me out of the financial shit for some time.. :D

The last night and day were hell. A serious one. But luckily it's alright. Not completely, I'm still worried to death, but I won't stand at the window any more, all shaking, with my mobile phone in my hand, shouting at it 'Ring, ring, RING!!' I cried all day long and Onni kept bringing me toys. Which paradoxely made me cry even more. A baby won't understand why I'm crying and that toys won't help me, but he shows me that he cares.. When he found some plush toys and teddy bears, he even showed me that I should cuddle them.. So nice.. It's amazing how babies can show their affection so easily and honestly..

Well, on the other hand, Saturday night was just amazing. It's so great to see that I've made someone happy.. :-)

Time to update..

16.1. White Flame- Kustaa
23.1. TAP- Kustaa
6.2. Entwine- Klubi
12.2. Lovex + White Flame + Emil Bulls- On The Rocks (Hki) -?
13.2. Renoise + Naughty Whisper + PSG- Vastavirtaklubi
15.2. Renoise + Heijaste + Monday- Klubi
20.2. Lovex- Amarillo (Hyvinkää) - ? (note: Play in Tampere!!)
28.2. Renoise + Apulanta- Tre-Talo
24.4. Entwine- Hotelli Iisoppi, Nokia

8.-11.7. Tammerfest, whatever there is

..still coming.. Considering it's something before half of December, it's quite a lot arranged allready. Only not for January, comparing January to February.. Hmm..
And another party at the first weekend of January, yay!! And a cruiseship in the spring and Provinssirock in June x))
And if the TWO 'projects' of mine work out in the spring, I'll be the happiest person ever :-)

And my T-shirt is finally here, yay! :-)