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ItÂ’s getting darker, the night I mean. ItÂ’s getting darker and colder. I walk outside in the darkness while a cold wind splashes on my face. Constantly. I sit by the water and look around. ThereÂ’s no one around me. ItÂ’s just me, the ocean and the moon shining bright in the sky, reminding me that winter is just around the corner. I sit down, light a cigarette and think. I think about many things. I think about life, people andÂ… everything in general. I think about why can people be so stupid sometimes. I think about everything that has happened in the last 6 months or so.

I never thought IÂ’d be on an adventure like this. I never thought IÂ’d meet these wonderful people that IÂ’ve met and I never thought IÂ’d become so attached, emotionally. Especially to you. YouÂ’ve become so important to me. When IÂ’m gone I miss you so much it hurts. When IÂ’m here and you go outside to think for a while, I worry and I miss you, even though weÂ’re in the same city, which isnÂ’t normally the case. I just care about you. I care so much. Too much

I'm still alive!!! And believe it or not, despite all of my stress, I'm quite happy at the moment, due to a few things that at the moment, are held as a secret.. At the moment.

I'm starting to feel, that I might find something that is meant for me, something that will mean something for me and be there for me at all times.

so many things have happened during this week and I have a feeling in my backside that something will be happening in the next two days. And it's a bad feeling. Maybe I will have an argument with somebody or maybe tomorrow, the day out of all days when I have to sing, I'm going to loose my voice or something alike, something bad, and I really really don't want anything bad to happen.

Last week was rough. I had so much school work to do and I don't how I even could do most of it. One thing I will return next week, but still it will be 4-5 days late.. yay. And my geo teacher wants me to return something after the weeks end. When she said that during class I started to cry. No one reacted, except my friend next to me and the teacher, this is quite normal in my class you know.

I just hope I will survive. I think I'll be sick during Christmas break, just because of my stress level being so high, it will all erupt the next day of our holiday.

Feel a little sorry for me.

Bye.

you were always there for me,
still i never let you see
all the secrets in my heart,
we are so many miles apart.

now that you know the truth,
you started to think about me and you.
you were late and broke me inside,
somewhere still, i did not die.

i hoped we could be friends again,
don't tell me this is the end.
how could you ever treat me this bad,
made me be so terrible sad.

some nights i wish that you were here,
make the whole world disappear.
there could be only you and me,
to people meant to be..

alright, pakko purkaa itteeni johonkin, ku muuten ihmisiä ei näytä kiinnostavan. Siis, miu polvileikkaus oli tiistaina, kattoo blogino, siel on yksityiskohtasemmi :)

mutta siis, ihmiset kysyy multa mikä vointi kaua kävelen kepeil yms. ja sanovat ett ilmottele sitte ku oon kunnos kävellä ja huidella ympäriinsä. Eiks ihmisil oo sen verra älliä oikeesti pässä, et ne olettaa et mie makaan kotona yksin pari viikkoo erakkona, näkemättä ketään ja sitte ku mulla on jalka kunnossa nii mie ilmotan heille et hei mitä teet, nähäänkö? Hei haloo, jos oikeesti oot mun kaveri, joka asuu tääl, ni eiks oikeesti oo vaik kiinnostusta siihen et soitaa moi, mitä kuuluu, onko kaikki ok? Voinko tulla kattoo usa ku sul on varmast yksinäistä istuu sisäl kaiket päivät yksin?. Ei, ihmisil ei oo älliä.

Mua ärsyttää ja mua vituttaa istua sisällä kaiket päivät ja olla vaan, siihen kyllästyy, eikä voi nukkuakkaa, ku muute en yöllä nuku. Mä oon nyt viis päivää homehtunu mein perheen kämpässä, suurimman osan päivästä datannu ja taas kysellää miten voit. toiset tekee sitä et ne sanoo et hei mie tuun käymää, mut sit ne sanoo pärin päivän pääst et tuun sit sillo ja sillo sen ja sen jälkee käymää, mut sit tajuut ite et oot luultavasti ite sillo jo menossa mukana. Vituttaisko sua, koska mä tiiän et mua vituttaa.

kiitän ja kuittaan, moro.

Facing some new challenges in my life, good this time :). Have been going around the country, leaving for another trip tomorrow and I'm dying to get in that bloody car and just get away from this shitty town :). I have to get time away from everybody here, and it'll do good to me. Different faces, different places, but it'll only last for a week. Gonna cry this time, if not in the next week, then 3 weeks later I WILL ;D.
BTW, I started to write a novel, so lets see how that'll turn out :D. I have a year time left so I'm excited ;).
With luv, me <3

I have to get time for myself. I'm burning myself to the last tip. Have no energy to do anything, my motivation for anything is GONE. It has gone somewhere. If anybody finds it, please bring it back to me. If one thing happens, it would change my whole world around :). but we'll see. Good things take time.

I've never felt anything like this before.. You're the only one that i want. I want you next to me, I want to have you here with me, I want you never to go away. I can't live without you. Now that I got you in my life, i can't throw away all of this between us..