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It was hell of a week but I guess in the end it was worth it :P
From Monday on my Japanese language course started so everyday I woke up at 6:30am, got 3 hours of this amazing language and then went to work, got home at 11pm, got to sleep at 2am and the next day all over again. At least they had an energy drink very cheap this week so I survived. On Thursday we partied with our colleagues and today a bit of shopping with mom and seeing my two friends from Hradec Králové in Olomouc.... and I'm too tired to write sth more, just maybe, tell me where is "ai", I NEED IT!

I started learning Japanese today! Only for a week but at least something. I actually like it a lot altough I can't remember it much + too much work (studying for it too) = means I'm tired, can't go to sleep, I have to study but I'm so glad my life turned 360 degrees around :P It's so exciting, only to have so much energy would be great.

Kimi Wa Inaika

Aozora to oka wo koetara ima mo kimi no ie ga mieru
Sougen no naka hashaideru mujakina goro no
Omoikiri ikiru kimi wa inaika

Oh ~ nigirishimete wa hanasazuniita
Taisetsuna kimi wa inaika
Donna tokini demo sabishii to
Keshite ienakatta ima demo sonna kimi wa inaika

Oh ~ keshite kotoba ni dekinai kurai
Taisetsuna nanika ga atte
keshite sore wo hanasazuni
Inochi kezutte made mo ima demo dareka wo mamotte inaika

Yume wo tsukamu jinsei yori
daichi to tomoni ikitai
Kaze no naka kagayaiteiru kimi wo miteitai
Shoujikina michi wo aruiteitai

Oh ~ kaeranai seishun ni mo kuinai youni
Jibun no koto sutetenai ka
Baka mitai ni massuguni tobikondeitta
Ano koro no mama no kimi wa inaika

Oh ~ kimi wa inaika
Sonna sonna sonna kimi ga
Fu ~ Fu ~
Kizutsuitemo mada shinjiteiru kimi wa inaika
Fu ~ Fu ~
Kizutsuitemo mada aishiteiru kimi wa inaika
Fu ~ kimi wa inaika

---

Are you still there

Laughing with joy beneath the vast blue sky
Running across friends of deep, deep green
Far beyond the hills I can see it Â…the home of my heart
Oh, where have they gone, those happy, carefree days?
Oh---living to the fullest, life as it was meant to be
Where are you now, my dear precious one
Though there were times when you felt lonely
You never let your feelings show
As time goes by, I wonder if youÂ’re still there
Oh---words just donÂ’t have the power to express
How you never let go of your beliefs
You'd put yourself out on the line, even risking your own life
Who are you watching over now, ever faithful, ever true.

Rather than spend time chasing elusive dreams
A pure and simple life is all I need
I want to look out over the horizon, and see you shining on the wind
In peace and harmony in the arms of Mother Nature
Oh--- Living with regrets for those lost days of youth
DonÂ’t you think youÂ’re sacrificing your real self
You who always jumped straight in, without ever looking back
As time goes by, I wonder where you have gone

Oh--- (Tell me) Are you still there?
Tell me, tell me , are you still there?
Fu-- Fu--
Though you were hurt so much, you never gave up believing
Fu-- Fu--
Though you were hurt so much, you never gave up loving
Fu-- Are you still there within me?

http://piratespiritzero.deviantart.com/art/Matsumoto-Hideto-We-Miss-You-86775337

love this poem made for him and want to keep the comments:

It speaks from souls of most, maybe even all of his fans.
I found out X Japan very late, just now, and even though I've never heard them before, nor I knew who they were, I cried for like 3 days in a row while watching their videos. I thought I will never be able to listen to songs like Without you, Longing, Forever love (okey, this one I still cannot listen) or their latest I. V., which all I love but somehow slightly it's getting better and even though I'm watching some tribute videos or lives, I smile and instead of pain I feel love. Love for what he has done, for who he was, for his smiling face, colourful outfits, crazy facial expressions and pinky hair (altough I hate pink colour) :D He left a great legacy and even though it has been tinged by shade of grief, it's rather positive and happy one.

The party yesterday/today was great. Most of us newcomers from our work met at an Irish pub in the center of Olomouc and well, we had lots of fun but in the end, the boys were crap, I mean they didn't want to play by our rules. We could do crazy things but no, they couldn't. Anyway, I liked that, we stayed at my colleague's place and now I'm very tired!

Well, almost everytime I watch the video/listen to the song, I cry but I'm slightly getting use to it so it's not that difficult to enjoy that song.

(In the rain) I'm calling you, dear
(Find the way) Can't you see me standing right here?
(Feel my pain) Life's bleeding from fear
(Find its place) I will give it straight from my vein

You can see why it's so hard, can't you? But apart from that, the lyrics contains something I can relate to, it's the part... "Life's bleeding from fear".
Oh how well I know it myself, only fear seperates us from being happy all the time. Because even when we trully are happy, we start to doubt how long will it last and here we go again.

Unbelievable! Because I'm very sensitive today, my nerves didn't want to accept the fact that hide died tragically some time ago and I was almost crying inside my heart the whole day, well morning. Then I was supposed to go to work by train but because I trembled a bit and was down because of hide, I got into the wrong train and got to work 15 mins late luckily only 15mins 'cos my brother took me with his car, thank you a loooot.
At work it was tough, lots of analytic stuff and you have to remember it immediately, and then I had to catch train back home but I waited for local bus for half an hour :(

What does it mean? Well, strictly devide time for myself and for work, never even slightly combine it. When somebody dies (whoever I don't even have to know), I have to stop mourning the very minute I get into the local bus to the railway station and on the contrary.
Will be interesting that next year, really!

It was so much fun, I wasn't even nervous before going there, I got very thrilled when I imagined I could study Japanese in 2 weeks time :P Which is like dream coming true :P
Then I got there and in the elevator (I'd take the stairs but I didn't have the key to the door so I had to use the elevator to get into the floor) was another younger boy going there for the first time as I did so we introduced to each other. Jirka was his name :) Nice boy with smile 24/7 on his face :)
Then we gathered at the reception and there came another 10-12 young people also to start new.
We told our names and had tiny chat. Then we were seated in conference room and an older men came. He told us his name, about the company etc. and asked if we have questions. Noone, how typical, so I put up my hand and asked why they didn't established their administration center in Finland (because of the world's best uncoruppted country) and he replied (economical reasons) and said that I'm the first one in like 6 months who actually asked anything :D
Later I found out he is the director of our whole company in Olomouc :D :D :D Shame on me!
Anyway we were given a guided tour around the company and financial stuff etc. and while we were chatting with each other, there was a girl who studied Japanese for half a year and gave me contact on one girl who teaches it. I was sooo happy! There were well everyone there was a unique individual and were pretty interesting :) I liked our little group but unfortunately most of them got another position in the company than I and 2 other people so I won't even see them very often (they are on different floor) which I'm sad about because they are bunch of amusing people and yeah, sure, there is always one on top, so was there :P
No nii, the position I got is more involved with English and communicating with USA, so we are three in there (as newcomers) me, Jana and Jan :D Well, we will need lots of training but I'm sure it will be fun. We're going to work for Ford :P yay :D
Now I'm waiting for reply if I can attend the Japanese lessons in Olomouc (20 hours in one week) in 2 weeks time (only if the rest of the students will be able to come in the morning time and not in the afternoon as it is scheduled).

And Pee, I'm terribly sorry for what happened, additional to everything what happened in past few weeks plus what will happen :( I wish I could help you with at least one thing out of all of them! My thoughts with you, honey xxx

going to work :P yay

I had such a huge urge this morning to paint/draw something after like so many years I haven't done anything. I found out my old school crayons and they are almost untouched, except the black colour (strange, one could say what colours I liked back then :D). I should start trying to draw unless I will leave it behind like before and I don't want to, it's the only creative thing (except web design) I can enjoy.