IRC-Galleria

Take the time just to listen
When the voices screaming are much too loud
Take a look in the distance
Try and see it all

Chances are that ya might find
That we share a common discomfort now
I feel I'm walking a fine line
Tell me only if it's real

Still I'm on my way
On and on it goes
Vacant hope to take

[Chorus]
Hey I can't live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold onto faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And it seems I've been buried alive

I walked the fields through the fire
Taking steps until I found solid ground
Followed dreams reaching higher
Couldn't survive the fall
Much has changed since the last time
And I feel a little less certain now
You know I jumped at the first sign
Tell me only if it's real

Memories seem to fade
On and on it goes
Wash my view away

[Chorus]
Hey I can't live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold onto faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And I'm chained like a slave
Trapped in the dark
Slammed all the locks
Death calls my name
And it seems I've been buried alive

Take you down now
Burn it all out
Throw you all around
Get your fucking hands off me
What's it feel like?
Took the wrong route
Watch it fall apart
Now you're knockin' at the wrong gate

For you to pay the toll
A price for you alone
The only deal you'll find
I'll gladly take your soul

While it seems sick
Sober up quick
Psycho lunatic
Crushing you with hands of fate
Shame to find out when it's too late
But you're all the same
Trapped inside inferno awaits

Evil thoughts can hide
I'll help release the mind
I'll peel away the skin
Release the dark within

This is now your life
Strike you from the light
This is now your life
Die buried alive [X2]

This is now your life
Die buried alive

____________________________________

So I lost the will to do anything, no expectations for tomorrow or the day after. No will to continue anything. I literally just breathe and exist for some reason that is unknown to me. No purpose.

I've tried
Drowning...
Painkiller overdose...
Nicotine overdose...
Overheat by sleeping in sauna...
Asphyxiation...
Castor oil plant seeds...
Falling asleep in snow outside...

Nicotine and castor oil plant seeds were supposed to be the "secure" way to death. Seeds made me vomit for a week.
The nicotine in juice didn't even taste, I just felt the burn as I drank the juice. My body held it for few minutes and I didn't even feel anything. I just threw it all up.
Falling asleep in snow? Well I woke up almost frozen and automatically walked back home from the forest. I couldn't even control myself. It was like being in trance. Only core functions available in your body.
Asphyxiation, I woke up with the bag torn apart, pieces of plastic everywhere.
Sauna had toned down to 30*C or so...
Painkillers? Vomit.
As I tried drowning, just before passing out it felt like my father would've carried me ashore.

Goddess' why torture a soul so much... A soul that exists without a purpose... Is this hell on earth? You don't want your puppet to be with you? Why have I've been given invulnerability for nothing. I should already be dead according to calculations, yet my pulse is running strong.
____________________________________

~"Even if the morrow is barren of promises... Nothing shall forestall... My return."~