IRC-Galleria

Again I feel like I don't want to sleep

At first it felt like just a normal idealistic series of dreams

I had a funeral office with my brother and our marketing ticket was...

We were able to take over the dead body

So that people were able to say their last goodbyes

We wouldn't create soul connection a body that was dead for over 36 hours

In simple you loan your soul's strength to keep the body moving

The original person is still there and able to talk, the last moments can be made "happy" and then we just turn off the switch

The business ran without any problems

However... The second dream...

When you get a client you once knew and loved... It turned to a nightmare...

We had her body in our custody the timeline was about to close up...

But because of personal feelings I said we can pull this off...

My brother did the connection...

The first 3 hours of visits and goodbyes went alright...

Next 2 hours she started to show confusion and disarray about her being...

We headed back to kill the soul connection...

Gave her to have her last hot shower...

Then she said she felt cold, bad...

I thought I'd get to have my chance say goodbye too but...

This time I would have to do it cold and professionally...

The shower drain was all covered in blood

Her skin cells had deteriorated so much it didn't hold any liquid inside

She screamed she felt cold

This is what we were always afraid that would happen when a body goes overtime

And when you know your once loved would leave this world terrified and mentally ruined

This isn't why our office was founded

Unprofessionally I...

Told her to ignore it all and she would be at rest after she would sit down in front of my brother and listen 2 sentences...

I

Kissed her even though it had myself covered in blood and possibly I could get sick but...

I don't know... She was quiet after that...

Sat down and had us finish the ritual...

And I woke up crying... Something good can turn to a personal nightmare... I wish I could break away from need to sleep. I never know when a dream like that is supposed to be a random dream or is it supposed to tell me something... Neither awake, nor asleep seems to be safe...
The funny thing however, I remember this dream from very far away from my past, but that time I she hadn't been part of my life... Now the dream hurts... And the realization what the dream possibly meant back then... It hurts even more...
Why didn't that dream show up when it would've helped me to stay away... Why didn't that dream show up so nothing would've ever even started... The useless effort... If the outcome was always to be the same...
Goddess' why do you toy around with me...

What use are these dreams if they only tell the tale of sad tomorrow... What is the use of existing when your sword isn't allowed to serve...
When you have none to serve and live for...

The dreams only show that I'll be alive tomorrow and the day after that...
They warn of a change...

Yet... I doubt...
Any of it would lead to better...
And I doubt...
If I ever will be use to anyone...
If I ever can make a change...
In this twin faced society...

~So if I'm not allowed to die and ascend to you, am I supposed to wait for you to descend, goddess?
"When the war of the beasts brings about the worlds end, the goddess descends from the sky... her gift everlasting."~

Take the time just to listen
When the voices screaming are much too loud
Take a look in the distance
Try and see it all

Chances are that ya might find
That we share a common discomfort now
I feel I'm walking a fine line
Tell me only if it's real

Still I'm on my way
On and on it goes
Vacant hope to take

[Chorus]
Hey I can't live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold onto faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And it seems I've been buried alive

I walked the fields through the fire
Taking steps until I found solid ground
Followed dreams reaching higher
Couldn't survive the fall
Much has changed since the last time
And I feel a little less certain now
You know I jumped at the first sign
Tell me only if it's real

Memories seem to fade
On and on it goes
Wash my view away

[Chorus]
Hey I can't live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold onto faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And I'm chained like a slave
Trapped in the dark
Slammed all the locks
Death calls my name
And it seems I've been buried alive

Take you down now
Burn it all out
Throw you all around
Get your fucking hands off me
What's it feel like?
Took the wrong route
Watch it fall apart
Now you're knockin' at the wrong gate

For you to pay the toll
A price for you alone
The only deal you'll find
I'll gladly take your soul

While it seems sick
Sober up quick
Psycho lunatic
Crushing you with hands of fate
Shame to find out when it's too late
But you're all the same
Trapped inside inferno awaits

Evil thoughts can hide
I'll help release the mind
I'll peel away the skin
Release the dark within

This is now your life
Strike you from the light
This is now your life
Die buried alive [X2]

This is now your life
Die buried alive

____________________________________

So I lost the will to do anything, no expectations for tomorrow or the day after. No will to continue anything. I literally just breathe and exist for some reason that is unknown to me. No purpose.

I've tried
Drowning...
Painkiller overdose...
Nicotine overdose...
Overheat by sleeping in sauna...
Asphyxiation...
Castor oil plant seeds...
Falling asleep in snow outside...

Nicotine and castor oil plant seeds were supposed to be the "secure" way to death. Seeds made me vomit for a week.
The nicotine in juice didn't even taste, I just felt the burn as I drank the juice. My body held it for few minutes and I didn't even feel anything. I just threw it all up.
Falling asleep in snow? Well I woke up almost frozen and automatically walked back home from the forest. I couldn't even control myself. It was like being in trance. Only core functions available in your body.
Asphyxiation, I woke up with the bag torn apart, pieces of plastic everywhere.
Sauna had toned down to 30*C or so...
Painkillers? Vomit.
As I tried drowning, just before passing out it felt like my father would've carried me ashore.

Goddess' why torture a soul so much... A soul that exists without a purpose... Is this hell on earth? You don't want your puppet to be with you? Why have I've been given invulnerability for nothing. I should already be dead according to calculations, yet my pulse is running strong.
____________________________________

~"Even if the morrow is barren of promises... Nothing shall forestall... My return."~

Rastien selitykset:
x= vähän
xx= kohtalaisesti
xxx= paljon

A
[ ] Achluophobia - Pimeän pelko
[xx] Acrophobia - Korkeiden paikkojen pelko
[x] Agliophobia - Kivun pelko
[xx] Agoraphobia - Avointen paikkojen tai väkijoukon pelko
[ ] Aichmophobia - Turhien tai terävien esineiden pelko
[x] Amaxophobia - Autolla ajamisen pelko
[ ] Androphobia - Miesten pelko
[ ] Anginophobia - Kurkkutulehduksen tai tukehtumisen pelko
[ ] Anthropophobia - Ihmisten tai yhteiskunnan pelko
[ ] Aphenphosmphobia - Kosketuksen pelko
[x] Arachnophobia - Hämähäkkien pelko
[ ] Arithmophobia - Numeroiden pelko
[ ] Astraphobia - Ukkosen pelko
[ ] Ataxophobia - Sekasorron tai siivottomuuden pelko
[ ] Atelophobia - Epätäydellisyyden pelko
[x] Atychiphobia - Epäonnistumisen pelko
[ ] Autophobia - Yksin olemisen pelko

B
[ ] Bacteriophobia - Bakteerien pelko
[ ] Barophobia - Painovoiman pelko
[ ] Bathmophobia - Rappusten pelko
[ ] Batrachophobia - Sammakkoeläinten pelko
[ ] Bibliophobia - Kirjojen pelko
[ ] Botanophobia - Kasvien pelko

C
[ ] Cacophobia - Rumuuden pelko
[ ] Catoptrophobia - Peilien pelko
[ ] Chionophobia - Lumen pelko
[ ] Chromophobia - Värien pelko
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Kellojen pelko
[xxx] Claustrophobia - Ahtaiden/suljettujen paikkojen pelko
[ ] Coulrophobia - Klovnien pelko
[ ] Cyberphobia - Tietokoneiden pelko
[ ] Cynophobia - Koirien pelko

D
[ ] Dementofobia - Hulluksi tulemisen pelko
[ ] Dendrophobia - Puiden pelko
[ ] Dentophobia - Hammaslääkärin pelko
[ ] Domatophobia - Talojen pelko
[ ] Dystychiphobia - Onnettomuuksien pelko

E
[ ] Ecophobia - Kodin pelko
[ ] Elurophobia - Kissojen pelko
[ ] Emetophobia - Oksentamisen pelko
[ ] Ephebiphobia - Teinien pelko
[ ] Equinophobia - Hevosten pelko

G
[ ] Gamophobia - Avioliiton pelko
[ ] Genuphobia - Polvien pelko
[ ] Gynophobia - Naisten pelko

H
[ ] Heliophobia - Auringon pelko
[ ] Hemophobia - Veren pelko
[ ] Herpetophobia - Matelijoiden pelko
[ ] Hydrophobia - Veden pelko

I
[ ] Iatrophobia - Lääkärien pelko
[ ] Insectophobia - Ötököiden pelko

K
[ ] Koinoniphobia - Huoneiden pelko
[ ] Leukophobia - Valkoisen värin pelko
[ ] Lilapsophobia - Tornadojen ja hurrikaanien pelko
[ ] Lockiophobia - Lapsen syntymän pelko

M
[ ] Mageirocophobia - Kokkaamisen pelko
[ ] Melanophobia - Mustan värin pelko
[ ] Microphobia - Pienten asioiden pelko
[ ] Mysophobia - Lian tai alkioiden pelko

N
[ ] Necrophobia - Kuoleman ja kuolleiden asioiden pelko
[ ] Noctiphobia - Yön pelko
[ ] Nosocomephobia - Sairaaloiden pelko

O
[ ] Octophobia - Kahdeksikon pelko
[ ] Ombrophobia - Sateen pelko
[ ] Ophidiophobia - Käärmeiden pelko
[ ] Ornithophobia - Lintujen pelko

P
[ ] Papyrophobia - Paperin pelko
[ ] Parastitaphobia - Loisten pelko
[ ] Pathophobia - Sairauksien pelko
[ ] Pedophobia - Lasten pelko
[ ] Philophobia - Rakkauden pelko
[ ] Phobophobia - Pelossa olemisen pelko
[ ] Podophobia - Jalkojen pelko
[ ] Porphyrophobia - Violetin värin pelko
[ ] Pteridophobia - Saniaisten pelko
[ ] Pteromerhanophobia - Lentämisen pelko
[ ] Pyrophobia - Tulen pelko

S
[ ] Scolionophobia - Koulun pelko
[ ] Selenophobia - Kuun pelko
[ ] Somniphobia - Nukkumisen pelko

T
[ ] Tachophobia - Vauhdin pelko
[ ] Technophobia - Tekniikan pelko
[ ] Trypanophobia - Rokotusten/verikokeiden yms. pelko

V-Z
[ ] Venustraphobia - Kauniiden naisten pelko
[ ] Wiccaphobia - Noitien ja noituuden pelko
[x] Xenophobia - Vieraiden pelko
[ ] Zoophobia - Eläinten pelko

______________________________________

~ So descended Odin with another Valkyrie in between Death and his shining warrior. "Every capable soul has the option to choose to serve a Valkyrie in afterlife. Everyone who die on the battlefield and proven themselves strong enough are given this option by the Valkyries."
2nd Valkyrie: "Will you join my legion to fight when Ragnarok is called? Until the day comes, you shall wait in the palace of Asgård."
1st Valkyrie: "I will join your cause."
Death screamed and vanished to thin air.
Odin: "My daughters, let us go back. And remember, you are to serve your sister as she sees fit, these deals are as you know, for eternity." ~

~ The battlefield all in red from blood. Death's laugh so loud, silent, distorted, was to be heard.
"Now I am to claim your soul Valkyrie, for you lost the bet."
Valkyrie in return, "I didn't lose, I swear in my lord's name, the opponent was entirely slain by my sword! Only a handful of mine were lost!"
Death replied, "Upon me suggesting this bet you should have refused. For you have lost because of reason so simple you could not see..."
"... This battle could have only ended in draw to your favor, this handful of dead on your side, have become your doom."

"You have tricked me! Even worse than Loki!"

"Merely have I tricked you, for it is the very reason I exist. To collect and lead all the dead out of this world..."~

Yyyyup, fuck humanity :3



_______________________________

~ The Valkyrie replied with a simple proud smile and shrug. Death granted Valkyrie immortality that of a god. "So, daughter of Odin. I will let you keep this as a gift, if you emerge victorious." If you are to lose, your soul too, will be mine." ~

No sepä oli lyhyt mahaflunssa.
__________________________________

Khee ruoho-teräs



__________________________________



__________________________________

Yhtään en muista mistä koko scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub juttu lähti mutta tää näyttää olevan alkuperäislähde jota en kyllä koskaan aikasemmin muista nähneeni. Hieman häiritsevää. Silti soinu joskus aina päässä kaks kuukautta sitten tähän päivään.



_________________________________

~ And so did Death say to Valkyrie, "Let us have a contest on this field of battle. Which one of us claims more lives. Sadly, I have the upper hand here, because I can also reap from your side... But that should only make a decent challenge, don't you think?" ~

Yaay... Äiti jätti Ykä Yrjön ja Riku Ripulin vissiin sängyn alle piiloon ku kävi moikkaa viikonloppuna...

2 hyvää leffaa samalle yölle. OooooOOOO this is too much

Apocalypto

"And a Man sat alone, drenched deep in sadness. And all the animals drew near to him and said, "We do not like to see you so sad.
Ask us for whatever you wish and you shall have it."
The Man said, "I want to have good sight." The vulture replied, "You shall have mine."
The Man said, "I want to be strong." The jaguar said, "You shall be strong like me."
Then the Man said, "I long to know the secrets of the earth." The serpent replied, "I will show them to you."
And so it went with all the animals. And when the Man had all the gifts that they could give, he left.
Then the owl said to the other animals, "Now the Man knows much, he'll be able to do many things. Suddenly I am afraid." The deer said, "The Man has all that he needs. Now his sadness will stop."
But the owl replied, "No. I saw a hole in the Man, deep like a hunger he will never fill. It is what makes him sad and what makes him want. He will go on taking and taking, until one day the World will say, 'I am no more and I have nothing left to give."

"Sleep, sleep now my son.
All the pain will be gone."

"Fear. Deep rotting fear. They were infected by it. Did you see? Fear is a sickness. It will crawl into the soul of anyone who engages it. It has tainted your peace already. I did not raise you to see you live with fear. Strike it from your heart. Do not bring it into our village. "

_________________________________________________

Where The Money Is

********* ********** ****** ******* ************** *********** ******************************************************************************* Kaikki niin vimosen päälle ja jätkä melkei tuhoo koko schaissen. *********** *********** ***************** ***************** ****************************************