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Well, almost everytime I watch the video/listen to the song, I cry but I'm slightly getting use to it so it's not that difficult to enjoy that song.

(In the rain) I'm calling you, dear
(Find the way) Can't you see me standing right here?
(Feel my pain) Life's bleeding from fear
(Find its place) I will give it straight from my vein

You can see why it's so hard, can't you? But apart from that, the lyrics contains something I can relate to, it's the part... "Life's bleeding from fear".
Oh how well I know it myself, only fear seperates us from being happy all the time. Because even when we trully are happy, we start to doubt how long will it last and here we go again.

Unbelievable! Because I'm very sensitive today, my nerves didn't want to accept the fact that hide died tragically some time ago and I was almost crying inside my heart the whole day, well morning. Then I was supposed to go to work by train but because I trembled a bit and was down because of hide, I got into the wrong train and got to work 15 mins late luckily only 15mins 'cos my brother took me with his car, thank you a loooot.
At work it was tough, lots of analytic stuff and you have to remember it immediately, and then I had to catch train back home but I waited for local bus for half an hour :(

What does it mean? Well, strictly devide time for myself and for work, never even slightly combine it. When somebody dies (whoever I don't even have to know), I have to stop mourning the very minute I get into the local bus to the railway station and on the contrary.
Will be interesting that next year, really!

It was so much fun, I wasn't even nervous before going there, I got very thrilled when I imagined I could study Japanese in 2 weeks time :P Which is like dream coming true :P
Then I got there and in the elevator (I'd take the stairs but I didn't have the key to the door so I had to use the elevator to get into the floor) was another younger boy going there for the first time as I did so we introduced to each other. Jirka was his name :) Nice boy with smile 24/7 on his face :)
Then we gathered at the reception and there came another 10-12 young people also to start new.
We told our names and had tiny chat. Then we were seated in conference room and an older men came. He told us his name, about the company etc. and asked if we have questions. Noone, how typical, so I put up my hand and asked why they didn't established their administration center in Finland (because of the world's best uncoruppted country) and he replied (economical reasons) and said that I'm the first one in like 6 months who actually asked anything :D
Later I found out he is the director of our whole company in Olomouc :D :D :D Shame on me!
Anyway we were given a guided tour around the company and financial stuff etc. and while we were chatting with each other, there was a girl who studied Japanese for half a year and gave me contact on one girl who teaches it. I was sooo happy! There were well everyone there was a unique individual and were pretty interesting :) I liked our little group but unfortunately most of them got another position in the company than I and 2 other people so I won't even see them very often (they are on different floor) which I'm sad about because they are bunch of amusing people and yeah, sure, there is always one on top, so was there :P
No nii, the position I got is more involved with English and communicating with USA, so we are three in there (as newcomers) me, Jana and Jan :D Well, we will need lots of training but I'm sure it will be fun. We're going to work for Ford :P yay :D
Now I'm waiting for reply if I can attend the Japanese lessons in Olomouc (20 hours in one week) in 2 weeks time (only if the rest of the students will be able to come in the morning time and not in the afternoon as it is scheduled).

And Pee, I'm terribly sorry for what happened, additional to everything what happened in past few weeks plus what will happen :( I wish I could help you with at least one thing out of all of them! My thoughts with you, honey xxx

going to work :P yay

I had such a huge urge this morning to paint/draw something after like so many years I haven't done anything. I found out my old school crayons and they are almost untouched, except the black colour (strange, one could say what colours I liked back then :D). I should start trying to draw unless I will leave it behind like before and I don't want to, it's the only creative thing (except web design) I can enjoy.

On one side I understand that MJ influenced whole generations of people, even my granny knows him (beside Lauri from TR she's the only singer she knows) and even though she doesn't understand modern dancing (anything newer than from the folk dances), she told me that his moonwalk was unbelievable. On the other side it might sound strange, but I'm happy for him that his strugles, pains and sorrows were blown away and now he is in neverending peace and harmony. Great for him, not for us, but don't be selfish and wish him peace after those 50 years of giving himself to us, we should give him something back.
In this occasion I started to remember my time with him... well nothing much. I remember listening to him since I was 3 years old. My parents bought me a vinyl of his album Dangerous with that amazing eyes on the cover and so I learnt how to play it on gramophone. I listened to it sooo many times, then I got a cassette The Ballads (yeah, it was 90s so no CDs or internet) and sing along with it so much that my parents couldn't stand it. It was also my first English lesson as I wrote down exactly what I've heard so something like 'vač jů vana dů' (what you want to do), it was so much fun and so many changed since then (I actually understand what he sings about not even needing the lyrics!!!). And I remember I have a biography of him, no even two books about him, one with his lyrics or poems, I can't exactly remember and the second one as a bio. I will might search for it. And a VHS (at that time no DVD yet) with his most famous video clips.
But it's unbeliaevable what he means for most of us, almost the same. His songs following our lives, in sadness and happiness. He will never die but we were the lucky one to be able to live in his era!

I don't like this whole media boom around his death even though it's understandable and also the fact that now all his debt will be payed off but it's too much.
At least I think the song Will you be there is perfect one of someone calling for help esp. the spoken part at the end:

Hold me
Like the river Jordan
And I will then say to thee
You are my friend

Carry me
Like you are my brother
Love me like a mother
Will you be there?

Weary
Tell me will you hold me?
When wrong, will you scold me?
When lost, will you find me?

But they told me
A man should be faithful
And walk when not able
And fight 'til the end
But I'm only human

Everyone's taking control of me
Seems that the world's
Got a role for me
I'm so confused
Will you show it to me?
You'll be there for me
And care enough to bare me

Hold me (show me)
Lay your head lowly (lowly)
Softly then boldly (yeah-ah)
Carry me there (I'm only human)

Lead me (hold me)
Love me and feed me (yeah yeah yeah)
Kiss me and free me (yeah-ah)
I will feel blessed (I'm only human)

Carry (carry)
Carry me boldly (carry-y me)
Lift me up slowly (yeah-ah)
Carry me there (I'm only human)

Save me (save me)
Heal me and bath me (lift me up, lift me up)
Softly you say to me
I will be there (I will be there)

Lift me (don't leave)
Lift me up slowly
Carry me boldly (yeah-ah)
Show me you care (carrrre)

Hold me (whoo)
Lay your head lowly (get lonely sometime)
Softly then boldly (I get lonely, yeah-ah)
Carry me there (will you be there)

Need me (whoo)
Love me and feed me (lift me up, hold me up, lift me up sometime)
Kiss me and free me (up sometime)
I will feel blessed (yeah-ah)

(Spoken)
In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tribulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart

I woke up a bit earlier than usually to listen to Sham Rain songs and get my memory wandering in Finland. I dug out the address www.maion.com which I loved since my first visit few years back and suprise, I still remember that address. I love their photos and it helps me to 'wander' in Suomen nature much more (while over here is a rainy weather, ew). So let me dream :P Just few months and... you know :D

Nice to hear he finally opened up himself in front of public in Berlin and enjoyed it, smiled and talked, seems like we both had great day :)

I'm so in love with the song by Matenrou Opera http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQBqS3hR-DQ
It's so catchy and yay, it cures my scars after Diru.

I never imagined this day would come but actually he's gone!
It was my idol since I was three years old, okey, I stopped listen to him because of his scandals etc. but anyway. Rest in peace which you didn't have on Earth!