IRC-Galleria

"This is my story" (as if you care)

"I have no idea how to fish, I have no worms, no hook, I don't have my rod in the water, since I don't even have a rod. If a fish ever was to jump to my lap, I wouldn't know what to do and it would get away."

This is how I feel, and you don't have to be a genius to understand that I'm not actually talking about fishing.

"So many fish, I can see them, but I know I will never have a chance to catch them."

Sometimes I feel so confused in the middle of all them. But I always have in my heart only one at a time. It took ten years to change. From 11 to 12. I can't stop thinking about her and when I see her picture my heart grows heavier.A weight on my head...

I feel so fucking sad... Did you know that heart aches actually reduces the length of your life? I wish she was here... But she's not... Unless she's using a fake name...
Which is pretty fucking unlikely...

Half of us all... I still can't comprehend that...

Its almost over. One more hour. I will cry. She won't.

1 H4V3 C0M3 UP W17H 7H15 N3W K1ND 0F L3375P34K, 8U7 17 C4N 0NLY 83 U53D F0R N4M35,
51NC3 7H3Y 4R3 D1FF1CUL7 70 R3C06N153 4ND 50 7H3 73X7 83C0M35 50M3WH47 UNR34D48L3.

F0R 3X4MPL3:

Kalle = (43)^5
Ismo = (150)^4
Matti = (4771)^4
Jussi = (551)^5

D1D Y0U 637 17? 7H1NK, 175 N07 H4RD 47 4LL.
45 500N 45 1 637 4 N3W, 83773R C4M3R4, 1 W1LL 8361N 70 M4K3 V1D305 F0R Y0U7U83...

Youtube on hauska paikka >:D

Muahahahhaa!

I never should have made this account...

Another one... When I left, I thought my mind would forever stay with her, eyes of my soul fixed on her face, but no. Its fading, the look on her face that night... The course of emotions is not the same.
Two of darkness has become one of light. Literally. Granted, the latter dark, the darker, is still present.
Deeply present, I had three dreams of her last night. It was wonderful, and every time I wished so hard it was real, but it never was. In the first, she was laying next to me, staring me, and I was happy. I could have been there for all eternity. Its those moments that make me hope the brain activity research makes some progress.

The second and third were alike. Both ended the same way, with a slight difference.
She got out of the car, and probably gave me a kiss, the other time she shaked my hand. Everything else is blurry. Except for the moment, when I was alone on the back seat and noticed a notebook, and there I found her supposed IRC nickname. The name too, is fading fast, but I still remember, there were three parts. the middle was "love", the first was either Laura or Linda, and the third might have been Hew... something. Dreaming is all I've got these days. Nothing else.

Sometimes, in prisons, when inmates are thrown in an isolationcell, or whatever its called, when there are no stimulation, no impulses whatsoever. Some of them, they get lost inside their own minds.
They are driven insane by their loneliness. Scary, huh?

I don't have a clue why I brought that up though... Just typing what goes though my mind...
I'm pretty sure that if you're reading this, you shouldn't, 'cause this isn't meant for you.
But if you know or even have a clue of who(m?) this is meant for, please, inform that person.

If the number value of your last and first name put together is one of the following, this message, and actually this entire diary is meant for you to read. [1-29]

Attention: This code is not equal to the one in my box. This is much more precise.

1) 137
2) 140
3) 144
4) 153
5) 157

The number value of my own name is 190.

These numbers might not be accurate, my math sucks :)

"Mountains will be moved! Movements will be mounted!"

"Go talk to Haskill, he's got more brains than a brain pie. hmm... brain pie... perfect! Care to donate?"

"Ta! Come visit again! Or I'll pluck out your eyes, hahahaha!"

"Jyggalag! He is the Prince of Order. Or biscuits...? no, Order!"

I saw you there, and for some reason I can't stop thinking about it, though its not why you think it is.
I know its not a big deal, the city isn't so large, but somehow it seems such a huge thing to me.
I wonder what was the cause for that encounter, just a day early, a misunderstanding...
Just out of curiosity, my MSN is Jussimania@gmail.com. I'd really like to know why, just to know how big my problem is compared to yours. I like somthing about you, that moment ws somehow mysterious.

We have the same person, and I am very, very fond of that person. Check my profile, you'll find two leads (Actually three, but the final is a different subject). I know its not polite to be this curious, but at least I'm not directly asking this, if you are reading this, you came to me.

I am still thinking about the moment I saw you. I can't figure out any other reason than plain curiosity, why were you there? Should I have been there? What is my situation on a grander scale?

I would like to say that I love you, though I don't, but still it somehow screams from inside of me...
Quite irritating actually... I tried to ask HER, but of course all my efforts through her are in vain.
She is devoted wholly to her principles, and will never reveal anything about you. And that is also what the law tells her to do, what a shame. This is killing me, I don't know, I can't know, I shouldn't know. Still I want to. And I don't even know why!

Damn...

Röh

Kisu jäi auton alle, kuulin kun äiti käveli Siirin huoneeseen päin ja huusi että on surullisia uutisia, siinä kohdassa jo tajusin että nyt on kissa kuollut, eipä siinä muutakaan keksinyt.
Kun sitten olin Siiriä lohduttanut vähän aikaa niin mentiin ulos katsomaan sitä, luut oli muusia muttei verta missää, naama oli jossain määrin muodoton eikä kaunista katsottavaa, haudattiin se sitten lumikasaan ja surullista oli. Voivoivoi, tämä ei kyllä tee hyvää masennukselle, eikä käsitykseni luvusta 27 ainakaan parane. Hyvä että otin kisusta kuvan, muista en ole vielä saanut, kisu oli ainoa joka pysyi paikallaan tarpeeksi kauan. "sigh" :)

Se taisi olla ensimmäinen kunnon kokemus siitä että miltä tuntuu kun joku josta välittää, kuolee.
Jos tuo oli vain kissa, en halua kuvitellakaan miltä läheisen ihmisen kuolema tuntuisi.
Voivoivoi... masentaa

Onneksi pääsen huomenna LL, jännittää mutta myös pelottaa, hyvin epätavallinen scenario, varsinkin minulle. Heipä hei siis.

"Katti"

Täysikasvuinen, oranssi-musta-ruskea, vihreät suuret silmät ja valkoinen leuka ja tassut.
Ketterä, luonnollinen ruumiinrakenne, käyttäytyy hillitysti, säteilee kokemusta ja respectia.
Lyhyt karva, silitettävä, vihaa mahan rapsuttamista, tappavat kynnet ja hampaat.

"Kisu"

Katin pentu, täysikasvuinen. Valkoinen pitkä hyvin pehmeä turkki, päässä musta laikku.
Luonnollinen ruumiinrakenne, käyttäytyy hyvin rauhallisesti ja itsevarmasti. On muille kissoille tärkeä kaveri, leikkisä vain lajitovereiden seurassa. Leikkii Tikrun kanssa, silittää ja nuolee kattia.
Ei silitettävä, välttää kosketusta, hyväksyy vain mahan rapsuttamisen, ei kynsi eikä pure.
Samanlaiset vihreät silmät kuin katilla.

"Tikru"

Katin sisko, mutta hyvin nuori, melkein pentu. Samantyyppinen karva kuin katilla, mutta väritys on musta-ruskea raidallinen. Kauniit suklaanruskeat silmät, hyvin leikkisä, tosin saattaa johtua vain iästä.
Toisinaan kynsii ja puree, muttei kovaa ja hyväksyy kaikenlaisen silityksen. Tikru ihailee kattia, muttei tunne ole molemminpuolinen. Leikkii usein kisun kanssa. Aika n00b vielä ja käyttäytyy sen mukaisesti.