IRC-Galleria

Another one... When I left, I thought my mind would forever stay with her, eyes of my soul fixed on her face, but no. Its fading, the look on her face that night... The course of emotions is not the same.
Two of darkness has become one of light. Literally. Granted, the latter dark, the darker, is still present.
Deeply present, I had three dreams of her last night. It was wonderful, and every time I wished so hard it was real, but it never was. In the first, she was laying next to me, staring me, and I was happy. I could have been there for all eternity. Its those moments that make me hope the brain activity research makes some progress.

The second and third were alike. Both ended the same way, with a slight difference.
She got out of the car, and probably gave me a kiss, the other time she shaked my hand. Everything else is blurry. Except for the moment, when I was alone on the back seat and noticed a notebook, and there I found her supposed IRC nickname. The name too, is fading fast, but I still remember, there were three parts. the middle was "love", the first was either Laura or Linda, and the third might have been Hew... something. Dreaming is all I've got these days. Nothing else.

Sometimes, in prisons, when inmates are thrown in an isolationcell, or whatever its called, when there are no stimulation, no impulses whatsoever. Some of them, they get lost inside their own minds.
They are driven insane by their loneliness. Scary, huh?

I don't have a clue why I brought that up though... Just typing what goes though my mind...
I'm pretty sure that if you're reading this, you shouldn't, 'cause this isn't meant for you.
But if you know or even have a clue of who(m?) this is meant for, please, inform that person.

If the number value of your last and first name put together is one of the following, this message, and actually this entire diary is meant for you to read. [1-29]

Attention: This code is not equal to the one in my box. This is much more precise.

1) 137
2) 140
3) 144
4) 153
5) 157

The number value of my own name is 190.

These numbers might not be accurate, my math sucks :)

"Mountains will be moved! Movements will be mounted!"

"Go talk to Haskill, he's got more brains than a brain pie. hmm... brain pie... perfect! Care to donate?"

"Ta! Come visit again! Or I'll pluck out your eyes, hahahaha!"

"Jyggalag! He is the Prince of Order. Or biscuits...? no, Order!"

I saw you there, and for some reason I can't stop thinking about it, though its not why you think it is.
I know its not a big deal, the city isn't so large, but somehow it seems such a huge thing to me.
I wonder what was the cause for that encounter, just a day early, a misunderstanding...
Just out of curiosity, my MSN is Jussimania@gmail.com. I'd really like to know why, just to know how big my problem is compared to yours. I like somthing about you, that moment ws somehow mysterious.

We have the same person, and I am very, very fond of that person. Check my profile, you'll find two leads (Actually three, but the final is a different subject). I know its not polite to be this curious, but at least I'm not directly asking this, if you are reading this, you came to me.

I am still thinking about the moment I saw you. I can't figure out any other reason than plain curiosity, why were you there? Should I have been there? What is my situation on a grander scale?

I would like to say that I love you, though I don't, but still it somehow screams from inside of me...
Quite irritating actually... I tried to ask HER, but of course all my efforts through her are in vain.
She is devoted wholly to her principles, and will never reveal anything about you. And that is also what the law tells her to do, what a shame. This is killing me, I don't know, I can't know, I shouldn't know. Still I want to. And I don't even know why!

Damn...

Röh

Kisu jäi auton alle, kuulin kun äiti käveli Siirin huoneeseen päin ja huusi että on surullisia uutisia, siinä kohdassa jo tajusin että nyt on kissa kuollut, eipä siinä muutakaan keksinyt.
Kun sitten olin Siiriä lohduttanut vähän aikaa niin mentiin ulos katsomaan sitä, luut oli muusia muttei verta missää, naama oli jossain määrin muodoton eikä kaunista katsottavaa, haudattiin se sitten lumikasaan ja surullista oli. Voivoivoi, tämä ei kyllä tee hyvää masennukselle, eikä käsitykseni luvusta 27 ainakaan parane. Hyvä että otin kisusta kuvan, muista en ole vielä saanut, kisu oli ainoa joka pysyi paikallaan tarpeeksi kauan. "sigh" :)

Se taisi olla ensimmäinen kunnon kokemus siitä että miltä tuntuu kun joku josta välittää, kuolee.
Jos tuo oli vain kissa, en halua kuvitellakaan miltä läheisen ihmisen kuolema tuntuisi.
Voivoivoi... masentaa

Onneksi pääsen huomenna LL, jännittää mutta myös pelottaa, hyvin epätavallinen scenario, varsinkin minulle. Heipä hei siis.

"Katti"

Täysikasvuinen, oranssi-musta-ruskea, vihreät suuret silmät ja valkoinen leuka ja tassut.
Ketterä, luonnollinen ruumiinrakenne, käyttäytyy hillitysti, säteilee kokemusta ja respectia.
Lyhyt karva, silitettävä, vihaa mahan rapsuttamista, tappavat kynnet ja hampaat.

"Kisu"

Katin pentu, täysikasvuinen. Valkoinen pitkä hyvin pehmeä turkki, päässä musta laikku.
Luonnollinen ruumiinrakenne, käyttäytyy hyvin rauhallisesti ja itsevarmasti. On muille kissoille tärkeä kaveri, leikkisä vain lajitovereiden seurassa. Leikkii Tikrun kanssa, silittää ja nuolee kattia.
Ei silitettävä, välttää kosketusta, hyväksyy vain mahan rapsuttamisen, ei kynsi eikä pure.
Samanlaiset vihreät silmät kuin katilla.

"Tikru"

Katin sisko, mutta hyvin nuori, melkein pentu. Samantyyppinen karva kuin katilla, mutta väritys on musta-ruskea raidallinen. Kauniit suklaanruskeat silmät, hyvin leikkisä, tosin saattaa johtua vain iästä.
Toisinaan kynsii ja puree, muttei kovaa ja hyväksyy kaikenlaisen silityksen. Tikru ihailee kattia, muttei tunne ole molemminpuolinen. Leikkii usein kisun kanssa. Aika n00b vielä ja käyttäytyy sen mukaisesti.

If you have religious beliefs or hostile emotions towards atheism, you are only ignorant.
If you have any questions about anything, please ask me, even the most stupid questions WILL be answered.

This diary is personal, so whatever you might find here, stays here.
People are curious by nature, but you do not have to tease or insult me about what you have learned from here. I again strongly doubt that anyone will ever end up reading this, but still.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game" --> "Don't hate a person, hate life"

Nine years ago, something happend. Something huge that was going to affect the rest of my life.
Last week, for the first time for nearly a decade, I felt free, but also sad and that I no longer had a true goal in life. LL changed my life, I really couldn't have believed this scenario a year ago.

I'm quite shocked about how I feel and who I feel it towards. The emotion is like it shouldn't be there, but I wouldn't give it up if I could. Things are not going as they should.
If I observe and think about our modern western values, this actually isn't that unusual, infact, almost 20-35% of males of my age experience the same.

Everything I can tell I have already written on my upperbar comment-space.
I strongly doubt anyone will ever read this apart from myself, but anyway:

Take care and have a nice day.

Kaikki kuvani on otettu naurettavan surkealla kahden MP kännykkäkameralla.